When they said the second year is the hardest

When they said the second year was harder I didn’t think that could be possible but I’m learning never to doubt what the ones who have walked before me say. It seems like now when I have a good day I spend the next week in the pits of depression and misery. I think I have come to a place where its impossible for me not to fake it. I tell people I’m doing okay..that its a dark road but I’m making it..that is true but reality is I’m surviving..still breathing..but I’m not okay at all..I don’t want to do this anymore. I don’t want to be living in memories I want to be making them with her. I know she is still with me I know she lives in my heart but no matter how close I am to her now it is still too far way. The minute I take my focus off of God and I think about my current situation and not where I will be I find myself laying on her floor screaming crying and falling apart. My life has become what the scriptures have said apart from him we are nothing. I’m so thankful for his promise that there will be a day when I feel none of this pain anymore.