Warning–this post could be upsetting to some due to some specific’s shared..I’ve never spoken openly about these feelings but today I can’t seem to get rid of the feelings or desire to try and explain the unexplainable..Exactly 16 years and 10 months after I held her for the first time and 2 yrs ago today with tears swelling in my eyes I laid my head on her casket for the last time..forced to physically part with her. I will tell you that at the time It was hard for me to view her..I personally fixed her hair and tried everything as I wanted desperately to have an open casket funeral..We had a beautiful eagle embroidered on the inside along with the scripture Isaiah 40:31 but the trauma she had experienced was obvious and unable to be hidden so we had to make the hard decision to close her casket. I thought I would find some peace or comfort in seeing her but It offered me NO amount of peace or comfort, only a deep rooted desire for it..I share those specific feelings from 2 yrs ago to help people understand my feelings today and how missing someone doesn’t get easier it gets harder..today I would handle that moment completely different I would most likely crawl up in the casket and lay beside her holding on as long as I was able to..as time moves on we start to settle for so much less because less is all we have..its sad for me to know that I miss her so bad I would even want that moment back. But that is my truth and my reality. Many things have changed for me over the past two years. I have learned how to live grasping hard to the less I’m offered and have always found ways to make that less as fulfilling as I can. Her spirit never leaves me..her faith fills me with encouragement and hope..but I will forever desire and miss her physically being here crawling all over me every second she could..the road and journey for a parent whose child is in heaven is unending and painful as we will never be truly satisfied with less..it’s impossible and unnatural…I survive because of Gods promises and believing that as he has promised I will spend eternity with so much MORE instead of less.

I am beyond overwhelmed, beyond grateful, and beyond blessed to see and be a part of people giving back to my family the love Sydney so beautifully gave to them. It is still unbelievable to me that Friday marked 2 yrs since she left. The emptiness never leaves, what many do not understand is that for us Friday was easier then any other day easier because the one thing that eases and lifts our pain is knowing Sydney was remembered and loved beyond her short life here. Anniversary dates seem to be days others find it most appropriate to share memories, pictures, and time remembering and sharing the legacy she left. I did not spend the day celebrating..I am still human and I will never celebrate her leaving me, but I did spend my day DOING what she would have been doing if she were here. We shared God, shared love, shared food, and enjoyed the pool..with people who love her. Thank you first to a family friend Carlos who graciously cooked and provided the fajitas, for everyone who came out Friday, for all the prayers, and for anyone who showed the world a little bit of Sydney’s love..God never ceases to remind me that he not only has but will continue to shine and create good out of all the bad..It was not possible for me to get pictures of everyone or with everyone but this video includes the ones I was blessed to get..I will load all the individual pics from the slideshow in an album…Sydney Lisa Jeter may the legacy you built and the love you so amazingly gave continue to be shared. You touched so many people’s lives in a positive way and you are still sharing God with people today. Love you forever and always.

My mind is all over the place so many things the last few days reminding me of 2 yrs ago..I miss her so much I feel like I should be laying in my bed crying but every morning I get some kind of notification from her timehop or just a memory I remember of that day and instead of sorrow it fills me with encouragement and the reality of how amazingly blessed I was to have someone who loved like she did..who loved others so much that she did anything and everything to help encourage them and share what she had learned about God..because she reached out and posted on social media or sent a text I’m blessed with a beautiful reminder at the hardest time in my life from her about how amazing our God is, about how much she trusted him and how important faith is..don’t get me wrong tears still fall but they aren’t falling without the hope she left me..2 yrs ago today she totaled her car and walked away giving God all the glory for protecting her..overwhelming and emotional for me to look back on and mainly I want to say..DO NOT TAKE NOT EVEN A MOMENT FOR GRANTED..she walked away from that wreck but was gone forever less than 48 hours later..The day I meet Jesus after thanking him for all he suffered so my sin could be forgiven I will thank him for the precious gift of those two extra days because after almost 2 yrs I realize the value of every second we got with her something we often take for granted. We appreciated every second in those two days telling her over and over how much we loved her how proud we were of her and when we hugged her we hugged with meaning. When you hug your child tonight..realize the gift they are because you aren’t guaranteed to keep them forever. As we approach 2 yrs again I invite you to come help us through the day Friday. I can’t possibly send personal invites so takes this as your invite. You did not have to be her friend or know her some of my biggest blessings are the days I get to tell people who never knew her who she was..We will be sending off sky lanterns from the house at dusk. Hopefully we will see some of her friends but also our own friends it’s a tough journey and there is nothing worse than walking it alone