Friday we passed the 7 year mark. It’s unbelievable how large that number looks when my heart and mind are stuck in that moment as if time has stood still. To me it still seems like just yesterday. We don’t experience time the same way as others. I appreciate those who continue to support us and rally around us on that day so that the negative thoughts and the lies of the enemy aren’t the only ones we hear. Thank you Kristi for always posting and sharing pictures and helping me keep Sydney’s memory alive. It’s sad for me to say that after 7 years..YOU are the only one who did. Thank you to Marilyn for always sending us the most amazing crafty gifts that always seem to fit the memories and thoughts perfectly. Thank you to our faithful friends and Sydney’s faithful friends who continue to show up and sit with us. They aren’t just praying for us..they are the ones who have answered Gods call for them to be the answer to our prayers. I know that is a call many don’t want, and have avoided. Thank you to those few who have continued to love us instead of treating us like we don’t exist. After 7 yrs I can honestly say I still need as much love and support as I did the day it happened. After 7 years I still so desperately desire to know that Sydney’s life and love have not been forgotten. Thank you to the few people who couldn’t come by but reached out and sent messages letting us know they were thinking about and praying for us. Knowing they remembered some how makes us feel a little less alone. I have always been the easiest person in our family to approach. Stacy does not get a lot of people reaching out to him. His response is often filled with some RAW truth that many just want no part of. I am so very thankful that Marty Wilkinson and Robert Mumford cared enough to reach out to him. You have no idea what that meant to him. Thanks again for all those who were selfless enough to think of us and Sydney as we reluctantly move into another year without a part of us. I miss Sydney and I miss who I was when she was here. This isn’t how it’s supposed to be and I’m forever tossing in life trying to find a more comfortable position. One that doesn’t seem to present that throbbing ache inside my heart. I wish it was like the other throbbing aches, the ache that a little Advil could take care of, but it isn’t arthritis and no matter how much I toss and turn nothing feels comfortable, nothing feels right. I continue because I woke up breathing this morning and trust that if God gave me breathe then he has a purpose for me today. I have experienced his strength to carry me beyond my capabilities so I continue to follow him because he is the only one that has the fix to my tossing and turning. Not a new bed, not a doctor, not a therapist..just JESUS
I love when I hear a song that just touches my soul because the words connect with my journey. This song does just that. I know many think my need or desire for Jesus started after the accident but He was SO VERY present in every part of the previous 3 months. The words “every minute, every moment of where I’ve been and where I’m going, even when I didn’t know it and couldn’t see it” just seem to explain so many parts of our journey Jesus had been in our lives prior. Before soccer moved to Sundays we spent a lot of time in church and Sydney Lisa Jeter spent many years in Awanas memorizing scripture, went to vacation bible school, and loved to go to youth group. In all that, something had still been missing but In the moments of those last 3 months I knew something was different. The intensity was tangible. I knew he was working, I could feel him. I saw him in Sydney’s smile. It literally changed everything about her when she began to understand God’s love for her. She was free of the burdens of rejection and imperfection. She radiated with a light that’s unexplainable. I’m blessed to know that radiant light, was also witness by Stacy and a few others. Right in the middle of our brokenness, in the middle of my mistakes as a mother, in the middle of our living room, at the kitchen counter, in her closet, and even at the end of her last breathe here..THERE WAS JESUS. I knew then, that it was real but looking back now these words describe it best..THERE WAS JESUS.. we were the ones in need of an amazing kinda grace, forgiveness and a price we couldn’t pay..In the middle of it all was Gods beautiful faithfulness. I wish I could touch people and allow them to see and experience all I experienced, but all I have is words that I can write for you, her words that I can share and my prayers that no one ever doubt, that even when you can’t see him in those moments, he is there. If you ever wonder, if you ever need to hear a testimony that is too big for a post..look through Sydney’s website, message me, call me, I’d love to share Jesus with you.
Think about the things of heaven, not the things of earth!! Life isn’t about what you accumulate this side of heaven..Its about what you accumulate FOR ETERNITY! Luke 1:45 Blessed is she who believed that The Lord would fulfill his promises to her. Miss you always and forever
I’m going to be honest. I do not like the story of Job. I do not find comfort in even the restoration that God provided because when you’ve lost a child you know what the rest of the world doesn’t..there is no restoration for what you’ve lost apart from heaven. Another child or 10 more children will NEVER replace the unique beautiful ones he lost or we have lost. Money and stature may make grieving a little easier as the weights of everyday life may be a little less but it DOES NOT take away the pain of losing and missing your child. I wanted to start by saying that because I think the story of Job is so much deeper than what we are often taught today. I hear this story told and it’s often told in a way that encourages people to continue when it’s dark because if you do God will restore everything to you. He may however he may not..regardless Job didn’t have his story to encourage him or a story of someone else to encourage him. He had himself and his faith in God. I think Job’s story isn’t about what happened at the end, I think Job’s story is about showing and teaching us that even in the dark times unbeknownst to us, if we trust and continue regardless of our circumstances he can use us as a witness and to encourage others. Maybe Jobs story isn’t about the blessings at the end, maybe it’s about the fact that he walked into the darkness and trusted God not knowing how it would end. The relationship that obedience created between God and Job was unbreakable because Job knew God was and will forever be his only hope. The story of Job is a witness of the belief that we are nothing apart from God and to what profit is it for a man to gain the world but lose his own soul. Something to think about..or maybe just what I think about.
This is one of Sydney Lisa Jeter writings..I had a hard time with this one for a while not because my faith gauge wasn’t full because I would say it was overflowing. The problem I had was when she says what do you want from Jesus today? Do you believe he is able to do this? Well what I want from Jesus is my child back and then thinking about the next questions brought all kind of emotions because I do believe it’s possible but I don’t believe it will happen. So wrestling with… this one has been hard, until I stopped looking at it from an earthly view, because the truth is..giving me my child back is exactly what Jesus has already come and conquered. His purpose was ultimately to reunite us with God but does that not give me exactly what I desire? Maybe not on this earth, but this earth is temporary and Jesus’s gift is eternal. It takes time to wrestle with feelings and truth as they often do not coincide. The waiting is hard and hurts but never the less the answer to Do I believe that he is able to do this, as a Christian Disciple, is not yes..but he already did. God has truly blessed me with these writings. It is like she’s leading me in a bible study ❤️Love you Syd! You truly are a #missablekindofgirl
Well the season is about to be here when Santa’s Wonderland will be open. I dread this every year. I know people can’t understand why anyone would not like Santa’s Wonderland, but let me tell you PTSD is real and due to where I live I have to pass this every night going home. It isn’t even here yet but my heart starts to beat a little bit faster just thinking about what it will due to me every night all through the holidays which are hard in general. For those that don’t know the details of “my story” a detective never made it to our house before I woke up and realized Sydney wasn’t home. I had gotten in the car to go look for her and when I got to the end of the road that faces Santa’s Wonderland all I saw were flashing red blue and white lights. We live out of the city, so there are not a lot of street lights and the darkness is extra dark which magnified the flashing lights. They were not actually flashing at Santa’s Wonderland because Sydney’s accident was on the feeder between William D Fitch and Nantucket but I could see them from that stop sign at the end of that road. I knew at that moment, after seeing those lights flashing..that was the reason she hadn’t come home..I also knew (without really knowing) at that moment that it was bad, that if she had been okay she would have already called me. Turns out I did know..without knowing..but it was so much more than bad..I share all of this to allow other people to understand that the trauma a parent goes through that surrounds their child’s death is something completely different than the grief from loosing them. For those whose child made it to the hospital, they most likely feel the triggers and flashbacks when they walk into a hospital especially if they walk into “the” hospital. These things can happen with more than just the moment you lost them. The other night when I walked into Central Baptist Church (the church we had Sydney’s service in) for the Crowder concert I immediately pictured the funeral and felt a horrible emptiness come over me. I’m 100 percent positive that is normal for a grieving momma but I still felt it and still had to process those moments when PTSD makes it way into the night and I must somehow figure out how to process and handle it. The triggers that envoke PTSD are different and unique to each story..to each parent. They can be a smell, a place, something visual..etc. So here is what I know..the best way to process traumatic experiences is to talk about or write about them. It in some way allows them to enter a place that is outside of you. Talking and writing aren’t easy and is not the end to the process..Most likely you will be faced with it again but I believe the more you speak about or write about it the easier it is to handle and face it the next time it rears its ugly head. I’m 5 years out and I know without a shadow of a doubt when I see those flashing lights from the sheriffs car directing traffic at Santa’s Wonderland I’m going to feel sick, I’m going to have flashbacks of seeing the lights that night and feel the panic I felt driving up to the roadblock where I waited watching those flashing lights while they got the detective and chaplain to come and tell me my daughter was in the vehicle involved in the accident, and that she didn’t make it. I will need to process all the emotions that flood me, so when people bring up any part of their story be kind and listen. If you feel comfortable you can even engage them and ask questions. If they have brought it up they’re probably comfortable enough to converse about it. You have no idea, it’s a mean of therapy for them. They aren’t trying to be morbid or upset you they are most likely trying to process the trauma they’ve been through which may have been triggered by some event that day. It isn’t just important to talk in the 1st or 2nd year, It’s needed as long as they are still experiencing and processing the trauma they went through and for us parents, I’m pretty sure that will be as long as we are living with facing a reality that’s impossible. If you are a parent who needs support and feel like you just haven’t found it. Please find a Compassionate Friends Chapter or another pier grief support group and join a meeting. It truly is one of the safest places you can share and the people in your group become like family. They will always be there to listen because they don’t have to read this post to understand the need to share your child’s life, the need to process the pain and trauma, or the need to be heard and have your feelings validated without judgement. For those who haven’t lost a child you are just as important and can make just as big of a difference, all you have to do is listen, and love them. If they post about their child, if you can’t think of anything to say..just say Love and hugs or continued prayers for you, or say what you would say if it were a momma or daddy posting a picture of their child that wasn’t gone..for example beautiful girl or she is gorgeous. If the picture is a memory you can relate to comment from the heart, for example I sure miss watching her on the field or she made me laugh so hard that day. Now take all these tips and knowledge out into the world and help those who may need help. Never forget God uses people to answer prayers. Be the answer to someone’s prayers..Christianity is about action not just thoughts and words.
Sydney and I got to sit and really study many scriptures in the last couple of months of her life. Seeing the word of God come to life in her was the gift I cherish most, and digging deep into the meaning is one of the things I so desperately miss doing with her. I still dig deep and study and God never fails to provide me with something new and today, as I sit searching for peace and encouragement God provided exactly what I needed. I know Sydney’s mission statement was to h…elp others who felt unworthy believe that they were loved. So this is definitely a scripture I would have loved to watch come to life in her and see how she would have shared it with the world. It’s something I truly needed to see. I not only needed to see the example set before me, but the love Jesus had for his followers. As a follower of Jesus (a disciple) he is my example, In John 13:15 Jesus says that he is our example and we should do for others as he has done for us. In John 17 when Jesus prays to his father, he asks to protect his disciples from the evil one🙏🏻He chose to pray this knowing in just a few hours he is going to be betrayed, arrested, beaten and ultimately crucified. He is not sending selfish prayers but instead concerned with their protection knowing what he is about to endure, but in these verses he not only prays for them but he prays for ALL who will believe in him through their message. Wow!! Jesus himself prayed for ME! As he was about to face the hardest moments of his life he is asking God to protect his disciples and all, present and future, believers from evil and to unify us in his absence. He knew how hard it was going to be in this world with out him. I can’t help but think about how serious Jesus felt about prayer and what it meant to him and then to think I was someone he prayed for. The son of God himself prayed for me. It gives me the push I need to keep going, the reminder of his unfailing love, and the example I’m suppose to strive to be. So for all those following Jesus who may be struggling, and need prayer. I hope you find strength, peace and encouragement knowing Jesus himself covered you in prayer and I hope it makes you feel as loved as it made me feel!!