What if God’s answer is NO..does that mean he isn’t as big…isn’t as real…isn’t as powerful..or does that just mean he didn’t love me as much as the person whose answer was “yes” I hear and read where people talk about how amazing God is because his answer to their prayers was “yes” What if your answer was NO..What if God’s will for your life wasn’t something that made you feel good, what if it was something that crushed you, ripped you to pieces..and produced a pain so great… you questioned your own survival..I’m going to be honest I think sometimes people would give him more credit if Sydney had walked away that night then they do because she didn’t..because we tend to give God credit for the positives he gives instead of standing with us through the NO’s, but I’ve learned more about who God is, his sovereignty, his love, his peace, his comfort, and most importantly my BELIEF through him standing beside me through the NO..My faith is tested DAILY..It is easy to praise God through the blessings but it is much harder to praise God through the devastation. I’ve also heard people say if through a broken heart God can bring his purposes to pass in the world, then thank him for breaking your heart..I’m pretty positive I will NEVER be at a place where I can thank him for the brokenness I have experienced or the suffering still to come, but I have grown through it, I have learned he doesn’t love me less, he didn’t chose me because I was stronger..he knew this devastation was beyond my own strength..and even if he did think I was stronger..God definitely knew Stacy wasn’t..he knew he would fall to pieces searching for answers and missing her…He constantly reminds me that he didn’t promise us a perfect life, he promised us that he would be with us as we walked through it..that he would never leave us..that if we fell into his arms..he is big enough and powerful enough to carry us even if his answer is NO and if we cling to him that answer is only temporary..What if his answer is NO? Will it change your perception of God? I pray I continue to allow him to use my brokenness for his purpose..that if I must feel this pain and emptiness that he can at least use it to speak to or help someone else who might be walking through some dark time in their life and help them KNOW God is just as big and real no matter how he has answered your prayer
I know I’ve posted this picture before but wanted to post it again after seeing War Room. The movie touched my soul in so many different ways..The majority of Sydney’s life I was lost trying to show her the right way in my own power I can see so clearly now how she suffered because of my mistakes..I thank God for the blessing of never giving up and showing me she needed him and allowing me the chance to see what a difference it made her last two months when our focus was solely on God and I knew no matter how hard I tried if I didn’t have God I couldn’t do it..God faithfully showed me when you give it to him..it becomes beautiful. Proverbs 20:7 comes to mind..unfortunately Ive experienced this scripture through disobedience and obedience..Gods way is truly the only way that will provide peace and true positive change. I’m thankful I was given enough time to apologized to Sydney in person for the mistakes I made in trying to do it on my own. She taught me so much and I’m so grateful. God continues to show me just how passionate she was about being his disciple. The minute Ms Clara showed her “War room” I couldn’t help but think of Sydney’s prayer closet she had made more then 2 years before we even knew about this movie..at only 16 she had cleaned out half her closet made a sitting chair out of a big pillow, two pillow pets and a blanket and that’s where she went to pray and spend time with God. I am so thankful for her and all the amazing gifts of faith she left for me to find. Cameron will have such a better life because we found and followed God for more of his life and because of how much trust and faith his sister had in God. I will forever wonder how many people she would have helped “raise up” for God had she still been here..Although I know she continues to speak through her book. I sure miss her energy and love for God!!