I’m not sure if anyone else has done this but I think a lot about the moment Sydney met Jesus which in a few short hours will be exactly 5 yrs ago. I can only imagine the peace he brought to her after being thrashed around. It’s a blessing for me to know that she didn’t have long before the accident began and she was standing present before The Lord perfectly new with not one single injury. Healed in a way we think and try to understand but can not. Her life upon earth may have ended at that moment but her real life was just beginning. As much as I’d like to think she stayed around the accident watching us, worried about us and how we would make it, like the movies would show..I know she didn’t. Instead she was standing with The Prince of Peace, she was not holding on to Bible versus..she was experiencing him personally. Can you imagine the amount of love she felt at that moment. Anyone who knew Sydney knew all she ever wanted in this life was to be loved. She loved others so deeply because that’s how she wanted to be loved and at this moment she would no longer have to try and get that from broken people who were incapable of providing it. No more heartbreak or heartache because God’s love is perfect. Her hearts desire truly standing right before her offering his hand however I’m sure she probably talked him into giving her a piggyback ride💞I find peace in knowing she is free from the pain and heartache of this world and at the same time ache to the depths of my soul because I want so badly to share in these moments as I know her smile and laughter would be far greater than what she experienced here. So thankful for God’s promises and the sacrifice of Jesus. I can’t wait to join her and sit as she tells me the real story of when she met Jesus because I’m positive my imagination and thoughts can not come close to the truth of her actual experience but I find peace knowing it wouldn’t be less than my imagination but instead abundantly more!
What if God’s answer is NO..does that mean he isn’t as big…isn’t as real…isn’t as powerful..or does that just mean he didn’t love me as much as the person whose answer was “yes” I hear and read where people talk about how amazing God is because his answer to their prayers was “yes” What if your answer was NO..What if God’s will for your life wasn’t something that made you feel good, what if it was something that crushed you, ripped you to pieces..and produced a pain so great… you questioned your own survival..I’m going to be honest I think sometimes people would give him more credit if Sydney had walked away that night then they do because she didn’t..because we tend to give God credit for the positives he gives instead of standing with us through the NO’s, but I’ve learned more about who God is, his sovereignty, his love, his peace, his comfort, and most importantly my BELIEF through him standing beside me through the NO..My faith is tested DAILY..It is easy to praise God through the blessings but it is much harder to praise God through the devastation. I’ve also heard people say if through a broken heart God can bring his purposes to pass in the world, then thank him for breaking your heart..I’m pretty positive I will NEVER be at a place where I can thank him for the brokenness I have experienced or the suffering still to come, but I have grown through it, I have learned he doesn’t love me less, he didn’t chose me because I was stronger..he knew this devastation was beyond my own strength..and even if he did think I was stronger..God definitely knew Stacy wasn’t..he knew he would fall to pieces searching for answers and missing her…He constantly reminds me that he didn’t promise us a perfect life, he promised us that he would be with us as we walked through it..that he would never leave us..that if we fell into his arms..he is big enough and powerful enough to carry us even if his answer is NO and if we cling to him that answer is only temporary..What if his answer is NO? Will it change your perception of God? I pray I continue to allow him to use my brokenness for his purpose..that if I must feel this pain and emptiness that he can at least use it to speak to or help someone else who might be walking through some dark time in their life and help them KNOW God is just as big and real no matter how he has answered your prayer