Moving into a New Year is not the same..I’m not excited I don’t want to celebrate because with every new year reality sets in and more time is added to my life that she isn’t a part of..If you’ve wondered how we are doing..We are surviving..we appreciate the blessings Gods given us we face the next day because we weren’t given a choice and we smile because as much as we don’t want to Cameron deserves nothing less and most of all we pray for peace and comfort from the only one who can provide it..I’m going to end by sharing my biggest blessing of 2014. You see I was having a really bad day missing Sydney and hurting because of lies regrding the accident and a few ppl saying awful things about Sydney..I couldn’t believe that I was walking through the loss of my daughter and now I was dealing with such evil from those who she thought loved her..I was in my flesh broken and not wanting to move wondering why God would add this burden on me after everything..I was screaming and crying on my bed..Satan had beaten me down I wanted to give up..quit..but at that moment I heard her voice whisper its ok Mommie I’ve given you everything you need..it touched me so much that at 10:46 am on June 3rd I tweeted it. I thought at that moment she was talking about all her other writings but at that moment as peaceful as I felt I still had no idea what God had truly waiting for me to find..then about 3:30 that afternoon I found the attached in a notes section on her phone under an email I hadn’t known about before..because she was using her phone the time and date she typed this was logged under her name..she typed this approximately 7 hours before she would be leaving me to spend eternity w/God himself. At 16 she took the time to stop and type these affirmations into her phone..all of her writings address something we have struggled with and have at times given us the strength to keep going but this one is by far the most profound being written just hours before the accident. I suffer everyday missing her but there is not a doubt in my mind EVER that she watches over me as I’m blessed with sharing her legacy smiling waiting until the day we are finally reunited! I’m forever blessed by the love and faith I see in her and I will wake up every single day hoping and praying to be someone that makes her as proud as she has made me. I love you Sydney Lisa Jeter forever and always
Today the greatest gift we received is not under the tree it isn’t a gift you can see but it is a gift you feel..today God gave you his son Jesus the only opportunity we have for salvation came through him on this amazing day..The biggest gift and act of love we will ever know but also never truly understand..Happy Birthday Jesus I can only imagine the celebration in heaven that my precious Sydney gets to be a part of..I’m still so jealous I’m not there celebrating with y’all but I’m down here trying my best to honor and glorify you in all that I do
Everyone that knew my precious Sydney knew she was a lot like..well her Momma..she was a strong willed child and started her terrible twos at 18 months and I don’t think they every stopped. She challenged me constantly..I mean if I was going to tell her something I better have my facts backup and proof..All these pics of the elf on the self motivating kids to be good reminds me of one Christmas season when I think she was like 5 or 6 she was being a little hard to handle and I reminded her that if she wasn’t good Santa wouldn’t bring her any presents..She looked at me and said..Yes he will..I was worse last year and he still brought me lots of stuff…Of course I was speechless I mean what could I possible say to that? What I realized is that strong willed child turns into a strong independent young lady that became a beautiful intelligent Proverbs 31 lady..I miss that spunky little girl and I’m thankful for every minute she made me want to pull my hair out and all the others that she loved me with every thing she had because that’s the only way she knew how to love!
Stacy and I have been so emotional lately. I go to bed thinking I will wake up a little stronger and therefore will have a better day but instead I wake w/tears needing God more today than I did before. I wish so badly I could just close my door and ignore the world. I don’t want to move forward without her..I don’t want to see another Christmas without her..I don’t want to make new memories without her..I HATE THIS..because I have to whether I want to or not because life wont stop for me..Cameron was looking at pics of him and Sydney yesterday and he said find one where I don’t look so young..but that’s not possible because he grew up so much in this last year..we look at the pics and we see her and nothing changes she’s forever young but we have all changed and aged..how am I ever suppose to be okay with this and pls don’t tell me its gets easier with time because I’m going to wake up 30 years from now still missing her still wondering what she would look like still wishing I would have seen her graduate still missing the grandkids she would have given me..still not wanting to have Christmas without her but mostly still missing the special way she loved me