Life without your child is a constant struggle

I want to be able to post how well we are doing and how we are managing life without her better then we were but truth is we are still suffering and struggling every second. Our life has changed so much and in a way we never wanted. I don’t believe that I took her for granted because I’m not sure I could have loved her or done anything more with her than I did but I didn’t realize that I talked to her about everything not just in her life but in mine. I miss having a daughter and having the love that a daughter gives her mom. Its also soccer season and its killing me inside that I’m not able to watch her play. The entire time she played soccer I missed very few games ever and I even watched most of her practices I loved watching her play. I’m so jealous that she isn’t out there with everyone else..I know it isn’t a good feeling but I’m not trying to be perfect I’m trying to be honest. Our life is emotionally exhausting. We started a new bible study tonight and when introductions started they included your family…Stacy looks at me and says what do we do? He really didn’t have to worry because I was going before him so it was up to me. I mean what do you do? I can’t just say I’m the parent of a 12 years old boy because I was the mom of 2 kids and I will always be her mom and she is forever a part of our family. Its hard because you don’t want to make people sad but she is a part of us forever. I guess we will forever be experiencing new situations and will try our best to get through them.

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