When a part of you is missing

Do you realize how hard it is to smile, to laugh, to find a desire to want to live the next day when a part of you is missing? I’m off balance, I’m in constant pain that is never ending. The fact that I smile throughout the days or smile through tears is not from me..I’m incapable of surviving the loss of Sydney..I loved her so much..I’m not okay with not seeing her again or worshiping next to her in church or watching her love God through this screwed up world. No matter what I feel or go through or how bad I want to give up..at the end of the day I find my strength because I do honestly believe deep down in my soul that God is Lord and knows what is best. I put my trust in him that as much as I’m suffering he knew what was best so even though I haven’t gotten what I wanted in this world I will no doubt be given all my hearts desires through God when it is time. So I’m able to survive my struggles, tears, and pain because of my true belief in God. It is through him and his promises that I have a hope of something better than the pains of this world. I still can’t believe I have to live this life without her..