A poem

I had no idea the 1 year and 11 month mark would be so difficult, but as it came and went (June 10th) I’ve realized I’m distracted and overwhelmed with emotion walking through the days leading up to the 2yr anniversary of Sydney’s accident. I am a numbers person so as I have found and gathered stuff over the last two years I’ve realized God has blessed me with a precious timeline of her heart the last month through her writings, her text, our talks, and her post on Social Media.He made sure no one would have to guess where she was spiritually. When I read her writings I often think of Luke 1:45 Her faith and willingness to obey God not only saved her it has saved me from the depths of sorrow on many occasions. Luke 11:28 keeps my focus off my emotions and circumstances and on God’s truth, and promises. I don’t have to doubt what she wants from me..She’s written it in her own handwriting and left it for me. It is easy for me to see all of the blessings and they continue to remind me that God hasn’t left me, but they don’t take away the desire to go back to the happiest times of my life..No matter what blessings lie ahead for me I’m faced with the reality that she isn’t going to be a physical part of them. The ‘first” never stop and the second’s and third’s just remind us that it only gets harder..We’ve been on vacation since the accident but this will be the first year we attempt to go somewhere new..somewhere she never got to go..I’m so excited about going yet at the same time I’m broken inside knowing I have to go without her..I’m never going to overcome the thoughts that I didn’t have enough time with her..that she should be with us..I’m forced to survive something else but I know when I look back I’ll see all that I am..all that I’ve become all that I’ve survived is due solely to my relationship with God who constantly reminds me that he loves her more than me. I’m attaching one of my latest poems