The more time moves on the harder it is to find hope

We are not doing well. The more time goes by the harder it is to find hope. I know I will see her again but I can’t imagine spending years like this. Its hard for people to understand and I honestly hope they never have to because you will never understand unless you experience it. I used to think the same way. Encouraging words and telling people they will see them again and thinking that was enough..its not enough to replace your precious child that you lived for since they were kicking inside of you. I cry more than I smile or laugh. She was so full of life constantly had me running and laughing. I miss watching her play soccer and love all over her family and friends. I try so hard to be somewhat normal for Cameron but he’s so different then her. He’s content being at home even if I offer he doesn’t want to go or do anything. Which allows me all this extra time she filled up to just sit and cry. Stacy feels the exact same way he’s a mess but strong at the same time. The strength he has shown to be there when I’m falling apart is a blessing I will forever be thankful for. He says often He’s going to make sure he is everything she ever wanted him to be. We learn that God will be our bridegroom or our father so when we lose a spouse or parent its natural to look for God to fill the gap but God is never our child he never falls to that spot as we are his children so I look for him to fill the gap and it just doesn’t happen. He is there to walk with me and comfort me but the emptiness is forever growing as he has my sweet baby girl with him.

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