Nine months..I can’t believe it

Nine months today..I can’t believe it..9 months ago I got the worst news of my life..months keep passing whether I want them to or not..Each day is another day further away from the last time I hugged her or heard her voice..I knew I wasn’t going to be okay so in the last 9 months I’ve went to two different grief groups and a retreat for moms who have lost a child..I’ve had ppl tell me(with good intentions) that maybe some medicine would help me..I’m looking for the answer..the fix..the I can love my life again..Reality is I’m not..and that is OK..I’m not suppose to love this world..I’m suppose to feel like I don’t belong here..God has me exactly where Im suppose to and longing for something better than what this world has to offer..I hate it..I didn’t want to learn this lesson like this..I WANT MY BABY BACK! I don’t even know how I got where I am..I just keep waking up and time keeps passing..I keep praying and God keeps giving me strength..I know my reward will come and that gives me so much hope but it in no way takes away any of the pain I feel every second of everyday I live without her..Thank you to everyone who continues to pray, continues to carry us when we can’t seem to stand, for all the new moms I met that are walking this horrible nightmare, all the amazing soccer girls who played and continue to “PlayforJeter” words can not describe how much every little thing means to us! Always and forever Sydney Lisa Jeter

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