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Tag Archives: greiving parent
I wish people could understand
Some days I wish so badly for people to understand..to understand what it takes to just take a breath..Living life after you’ve lost a child is a daily battle..what I overcome today..means nothing as I wake tomorrow and face it all over again. The best example I can give is that it’s like the movie ground hog day..I get up everyday in the same horrible reality. I remember what I did yesterday and the day before and I’m able to avoid what hurts and try something new to see if I can wake tomorrow and it be over or at least the pain and agony be less..but tomorrow’s alarm goes off and as my eyes open it all starts to happen again..day after day after day..and after almost 3 years of waking up the pain and ache of living without Sydney and forever missing a part of me hasn’t went away, it hasn’t gotten better or easier..if anything it continues to get worse..I live with the frustration of knowing I can’t fix it..that no one can fix this..you can’t force yourself to feel better..its a wrong that will never be right..Truth is with each repeating day the only thing that grows and the only thing that changes is my knowledge of God and how big he is..as I look back on my repeating nightmare..I see God everywhere..it is he who has guided and protected me..he who gives me the people who understand and love the part of me that’s left. He who offers for me to join him in helping others or loving on others who are lost in this valley. It is he who uses those who come to me for help..to actually help and encourage me..it is he who gave me such a beautiful gift to miss so much..he humbles me not because I feel like I deserve something and he reminds me that I don’t..instead he humbles me because he continues to move and make things happen that can only be from him..his blessings are far greater than what I could have thought to ask for and he is willing to give those gifts to someone who may not be able to function tomorrow..someone who fights to breath..there are so many people ready to fight each day who are whole and strong..yet he continues to wake with me everyday believing more in me than I believe in myself.
Sydney always liked to take pictures on Easter in the bluebonnets❤️Happy Easter Sydney we’re forever missing you
Bluebonnets and Sydney ❤
Spring Break Adventure for Sydney
Stacy Cameron and I started spring break a little early this year..Some of our best friends have spring break the week before ours so we left out on Friday and they held over on Monday so that the boys would be able to enjoy some of spring break together. So we headed off to do Spring Break at Garner on The Frio River. If you asked Sydney her favorite place I’m pretty positive she would say The Frio and we were so blessed to get to share some of the things Sydney loved so much with our best friends. I can’t say it took away the pain because that’s impossible but Cameron got to tell stories of his last spring break with Sydney and reminisce about climbing old baldy with her and taking pictures in the same spot he took them with her. It filled my heart to hear him talk about that last trip with his friends and how much he cherishes those memories. As the week went on we continued to create memories and adventure for Sydney..I climbed and hiked (which I don’t do) Cameron and his friends got all dressed up and went to the dance (Cameron did not dance but just going would have made his sister super proud) they even gave out some of Sydney’s cards to some of the girls at the dance and me and my non dancing husband danced at the Garner Dance for my sweet Sydney❤️My heart so heavy as all we really wanted was to be watching her instead of dancing for her. It was a trip filled with old and new and for me teenage boys instead of teenage girls. I laughter I smiled..I hurt..I cried..I wished..I prayed..and I fought hard to be and do everything she would want me to do and enjoy as much as I could even though with every beat of my heart there was an ache and emptiness that rushes over every part of you but she never failed to let us know she was there loving us and encourage us ..we saw bluebonnets on the drive lady bugs and rolly pollies at the shelter indentions in rocks shaped liked hearts sun rays in our pictures and some heart shaped clouds when we hit the top of old baldy❤️
Cameron Jackson and Connor at The Dance
The whole crew!
Dancing for Sydney👼🏻
There is no better way to KNOW God then to see him work through someone’s life..The beauty of God’s faithfulness
There seems to be a lot of talk about our belief but is there actually proof in our lives that we do actually believe. Our own thoughts about our self or the burdens life has poured upon us, keep us beat down and hesitant to go where God is asking us to go. It never fails that on my weakest days God gives me something too hard for me..Most days I immediately think (and even ask him) why me God there is a whole world filled with people…so why me.. I’m weak I’m broken I’m hurting, and ultimately unfixable..how am I suppose to help someone else when I feel like I’m the one needing help. It is then that my belief comes into play..the bible is filled with verses stating with God all things are possible. Do I believe it? Do I believe that I’m included in the “all” because if I do then it doesn’t matter what I feel it only matters what I do once my belief is there then I step forward in faith. It’s the ability to step out in faith that actually proves what we believe. Most of the time this just happen..You don’t actually make the decision to believe and then step.. you simply allow yourself to spin in the potters hands and it isn’t until he’s done that you realize the beauty he created through your life. You see Sydney didn’t believe she had led a life capable of leaving a legacy for God. I know this because she wrote out a prayer that is included in her book (I’ve attached it). This prayer was written sometime after May 23, 2013 because it’s a prayer from a book that she had me purchase that day. I’m pointing this out to show others how absolutely faithful and big God is..It’s interesting how you notice things as you study them..what I notice in this prayer is two things..one she didn’t believe she had lived a life to glorify God but then she says..I will stand on your promise that you will make something beautiful out of my brokenness and she asked him to help her live out the rest of her days to bring glory to him..The rest of her days..which she couldn’t have possibly know would only be 48..just 48 short days..but in those 48 short days..God used her life and made something beautiful out of her brokenness., and because she stood on the promises of God and because she trusted him..He used her to prove his faithfulness. I want to point out one more time what she wrote in that prayer and follow it with scripture…She wrote I will stand on your promise that you will make something beautiful out of my brokenness..and scripture says Isaiah 49:23 “She who trusts in the Lord will never be disappointed.” And Luke 1:45 Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill his promises to her..As of today we have shared 123 of Sydney’s books filled with scripture and God’s truth. In 48 short days he truly blessed her with A Legacy of a Lifetime! So the next time you feel like you can’t do what God’s asking you to do or maybe you feel like your too broken stand firm in your belief of scripture and remember Sydney and how God was faithful and created beauty out of what she saw as brokenness
A Legacy of a Lifetime 