Tag Archives: Sydney’s mission statement

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12 yrs seems impossible

. Grief its Real . , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

12 years seems impossible but yet I’ve felt every second of everyday. You just don’t get to ignore seconds filled with heartache and there is nothing that can change it, or take it away.  How I respond is up to me. I can sit in the depths of it, allow it to press so hard on my heart that I feel it physically and it literally hurts to breathe. I can allow my mind to focus on the loss and devastation thinking only about what was taken, and what I lost. After 12 years I can only imagine where she would be and what she would be doing. The milestones I’ve watched Cameron accomplish that she never got the opportunity to. The milestones her friends have made, real jobs, engagement, marriage, having babies,  oh how easy it would be to just focus on how brutal and unfair life is.  I’m not going to lie..every grieving parents goes to those places and probably even each day. It’s impossible not to, but I have chosen to lean into God  and focus on Jesus trying my best to live my life from his example. When it was hard for him he prayed and continued carrying his cross for the greater good, his greater good was the gift that allows me to focus on something positive. The fact that Sydney isn’t lost, because of Jesus 12 years ago she was given the most beautiful gift beginning her eternal life with God in heaven. What I’ve experienced the last twelve years and every year still to come isn’t permanent, it’s temporary, because as David said in the scriptures about his sweet baby “I will go to him but he will not return to me”.  I have chosen my focus to be on the only true healing for a grieving parent. God his love, his peace, and his promises. I chose to focus on the future and build on what will be permanent and eternal. I want to make sure that “when I go to her” I have left this world remembering the amazing gift her life is, what she wanted to be remember for (a disciple of Jesus), and that she not only wanted you to know him as well but in her own writings..she says it is worth giving up everything for God. As I sit knowing Sydney is in heaven I can’t help but think how true her words are..everything this world has to offer that we can give up is NOTHING compared to eternity with God and all those that loved God. 

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Reminders!

. Getting to Know Sydney . , , , , , ,

Sydney posted this 4 years ago early in the morning before we headed out for the beach. She wanted nothing more than to share Gods love with others and encourage the people around her. We have continued to go to the beach every year on this day. Its a trip that yes may be filled with some heartache but the memories and love that flood us are worth the pain. For the past 3 years Kristi’s boys have helped Cameron fill this day with adventure and fun. I’m still so thankful she posted this. It continues to encourage me and reminds me of how happy she was walking with God❤️

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Thoughts about Sydney’s mission statement

. Getting to Know Sydney . , , , , , ,

mission statment1.jpgmission statement2.jpg

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about Sydney’s mission statement. I’ve shared it before as it was in the flyer we handed out at her funeral. It is not necessarily the words that have been consuming my thoughts, but rather the actions she took after she wrote the words..You see what prompted her to write a mission statement in the first place is the book she was reading (Your Hearts Desire by Sheri Rose Shepherd) She didn’t just read the book and move on..she stopped prayed and thought deeply about her hearts desires, found a sticky note and put her hearts mission into words. For some reason my mind doesn’t let me stop here..why? I guess because she didn’t stop there..she didn’t write those words for others..she didn’t write it and post it..actually I found no post that she made referencing her mission statement. So then why did she write it? I keep thinking about that and as I’ve thought about it I’ve learned as much from wondering why she wrote it than I have from the words she wrote..I believe that when I typed her mission statement out..I in a way took away from the beauty of it..So I’m attaching a picture of the original post it note and where she placed it (it’s still in the exact same place today) I believe that it answers the question as to why she wrote it..She wrote it for herself, so that as she got up and faced each day she would be reminded of “her mission”. Sydney placed this sticky note on her mirror because she realized that seeing too much of yourself causes you to lose focus on God and the purpose and mission for your life..She wanted to make sure that when she looked in the mirror she didn’t forget what her life was about. What I find most beautiful is that she wasn’t fooled into thinking it would be easy or that she wouldn’t face temptation or distraction and took the steps necessary to help overcome them in the future by placing this in the one place she knew she would look everyday. I continue to learn each day from the things she wrote and the things she did and consider it a blessing to be a part of sharing her faith and legacy with others. Thank you my sweet girl for leaving me so much of your heart.

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A Mom’s first Birthday without her child

. Grief its Real . , , , , , ,

I wanted to start off by saying Thank you for all the birthday wishes and mostly for the prayers. The way Facebook is it tells me I have all these post on my wall but I can’t see them all to respond to them so if I missed you it wasn’t personal I just can’t see it😢to respond. I had the best birthday I could have missing such a huge piece of my life. Sydney was always the one to make a play or come running in knocking me down with a hug saying Happy Birthday Mommie. I don’t believe she let this birthday go by without letting me know she was gonna be with me..in fact I like to think she sent one heck of a storm to wake me up at 3:00am telling me happy birthday. For those that might have missed all the stories..the night my precious baby left us there was one cloud in the sky by our house that provided a beautiful lightening show no rain and the rest of the sky was clear. she hadn’t even been gone 24 hours. At the visitation when you walked out of the funeral home you saw a beautiful double rainbow. At the cemetery after the service all of a sudden a huge storm came in and poured down on everyone and blew the canopy off..for her birthday the wind was so strong that we could barley lift the balloons we had for her. The first soccer game of the season it rained and actually I think they had more rain during games this year then they had in a very long time..for her memorial game again..raining and this time it was also 28 degrees..so when that storm came I knew it was Gods way of letting me know my girl was with me in spirit. I had some amazing people step up and make this very hard day as happy as it could possibly be..I will say again PEOPLE make all the difference. The ones that will be next to you whether you’re happy sad hurting laughing..I have a God that won’t give up on me when I’m sad he sends me someone not only to remind me of the eternity he has promised with my beautiful girl but to remind me even though my girl is not with me as long as I continue to walk with him my blessing will be enough for me to survive..God is enough..No matter where God takes me I will follow..I have to trust that he knows best and that even though my sufferings are great in this life I will be rewarded in my eternal life..there are a few people..very few..that have chosen to walk away disrespecting her, living speaking constant lies, making decisions they can never take back or undo..but what I have come to realize is..God protected me by removing them from my life..He makes good out of the bad..he has provided so many people that know how to love the way God says to love and I am forever blessed