Today my precious daughter Sydney Lisa Jeter would have turned 17 years old. I was so blessed with every second that she was a part of our lives. People describe her as someone with a contagious smile that lived life to the fullest everyday. When I think about Sydney’s life and how I can possibly honor her on this day I am reminded of her journies and where she was the night she meet Jesus. People sing praise songs in church and I often cry because I remember sitting there watching her worship and sing. Now I think how unreal it is that she isn’t there and grieve because I know I could spend years here on earth before I get to see her again. The thought of that is crippling. I miss my baby girl beyond what anyone could imagine. I can’t tell her Happy Birthday I can’t celebrate her turning another year older. It’s difficult trying to find a way to honor or give someone something that isn’t here. Cameron struggles wanting to do something for his sister. We try so hard to grasp anything to make us feel as though she is still here. If someone would have asked her in the last week what she would want from us if she were to leave us I know her first response would be to take care of Cameron and her family, but the next thing she would have said would be for everyone to honestly seek God, Know God, Obey God, and Love God. She found her Prince of Peace and was on a mission to become the best disciple she could be. We are so very blessed that we have God’s promises that if we walk with him we will get to see her again. In my flesh I am broken, hurt, and beaten down as life has become more than I can bare. I will however continue to draw my strength from God so that I make it through another day. Today God will continually pick me up as I struggle and stumble through the agony of not having her and being able to celebrate her birthday. My present to her will be to continue to walk where God had her place me…following him waiting until the day I may be blessed with getting to see her again! I love you Sydney so very much Happy Birthday!

This pain and suffering is unimaginable. I miss her with every inch of my soul. I miss her laughter her smile her playfulness. I wish I would have taken more videos so I could hear her voice. I miss that she was beside me all the time. I often drive alone and know that if she was here she would have been sitting right beside me. The emptiness consumes me. Her birthday is on Monday. I know that it is a wasted prayer but I can’t help but pray and beg God to not make me have to go through that day without her. Even though it cant be answered exactly as I prayed it I know he’s listening to my sorrow and heart ache.

One day was too long without you but 8 weeks has been pure torture. I can’t bring you back I’ve screamed I’ve cried I’ve begged but your still gone. I still wake up everyday to an empty room. The pain is constant and never goes away you consume every thought I have and yet nothing is enough. I wasnt ready for you to go away. How could your work be done when I’m still here and I need you so much. Cameron and Dad need you! I will never understand why and I don’t even want to know..no answer would be good enough for my selfish heart. Your light shined so bright you made me so proud. I can’t even imagine how I’m suppose to live out my days without you here on earth. I continue to pray that God gives me the strength as I wait until the day he finally allows me to see you again.

Starting when she was 3 years old I took 1st day of school pictures and tomorrow will be the first day I will not be blessed with that experience with my beautiful Sydney Lisa Jeter and Cameron will stand alone without his sister beside him for the first day. There is no ease to this pain and sorrow. We have for the past 45 days searched for comfort but find none. We as a family are lost without her. How it breaks my heart to know that Cameron’s lock screen for his iPod is a picture of the cemetery where his sister is. How is a parent suppose to ever be okay with that?

Broken:
Missing you is the hardest thing I’ve ever done
I try to find comfort but there is none
No doubt baby girl you were one of a kind
I think about you and your smile all the time
Knowing you’re gone leaves me beyond broken
There are no words that can even be spoken
When I think about how bright your light shined
I realized how blessed I was to call you mine
On that day God was by your side
You saw Jesus and new you had to say Goodbye
I wish you could be back in my arms
But I know God took you from wordly harm
They say your work was already done
As I find your notes I realize mine just begun
Broken and hurting beyond repair
The pain deep inside is more than I can bare
I sit and pray for God’s healing
As I can no longer handle these broken feelings

Watching the sunrise this morning with Kyle Laroche Rachel Showman. She shining bright this morning. Miss you my sunshine!

Not only are there no words to describe the pain and heartache there is also no words to describe the gratitude my family and I feel for all the encouragement, support, service, and love that the entire community has poured out to us. I like to think that God allowed Sydney Lisa Jeter to bless us with a beautiful double rainbow to show her love and appreciation to everyone who has came to remember her. I am thankful that I have been able to draw my strength from God and Sydney. I in my flesh am broken in pieces and am not capable of what I have accomplished these last few days.