Tag Archives: grief

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When a part of you is missing

. Grief its Real . , , , , , , , ,

Do you realize how hard it is to smile, to laugh, to find a desire to want to live the next day when a part of you is missing? I’m off balance, I’m in constant pain that is never ending. The fact that I smile throughout the days or smile through tears is not from me..I’m incapable of surviving the loss of Sydney..I loved her so much..I’m not okay with not seeing her again or worshiping next to her in church or watching her love God through this screwed up world. No matter what I feel or go through or how bad I want to give up..at the end of the day I find my strength because I do honestly believe deep down in my soul that God is Lord and knows what is best. I put my trust in him that as much as I’m suffering he knew what was best so even though I haven’t gotten what I wanted in this world I will no doubt be given all my hearts desires through God when it is time. So I’m able to survive my struggles, tears, and pain because of my true belief in God. It is through him and his promises that I have a hope of something better than the pains of this world. I still can’t believe I have to live this life without her..
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Life without your child is a constant struggle

. Grief its Real . , , , , ,

I want to be able to post how well we are doing and how we are managing life without her better then we were but truth is we are still suffering and struggling every second. Our life has changed so much and in a way we never wanted. I don’t believe that I took her for granted because I’m not sure I could have loved her or done anything more with her than I did but I didn’t realize that I talked to her about everything not just in her life but in mine. I miss having a daughter and having the love that a daughter gives her mom. Its also soccer season and its killing me inside that I’m not able to watch her play. The entire time she played soccer I missed very few games ever and I even watched most of her practices I loved watching her play. I’m so jealous that she isn’t out there with everyone else..I know it isn’t a good feeling but I’m not trying to be perfect I’m trying to be honest. Our life is emotionally exhausting. We started a new bible study tonight and when introductions started they included your family…Stacy looks at me and says what do we do? He really didn’t have to worry because I was going before him so it was up to me. I mean what do you do? I can’t just say I’m the parent of a 12 years old boy because I was the mom of 2 kids and I will always be her mom and she is forever a part of our family. Its hard because you don’t want to make people sad but she is a part of us forever. I guess we will forever be experiencing new situations and will try our best to get through them.

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Starting a new year..reminding others what was important to Sydney Lisa Jeter

. Getting to Know Sydney, Grief its Real, Sydney's Book . , , , , , , , , , , ,

I haven’t posted since the New Year started. Honestly I guess I don’t want to admit that I had to start a year without her. Today marks 6 months that she has been gone. Thats half a year. The feelings are unexplainable as it seems like just yesterday I was sitting on the side of the road in the pitch dark with red blue and white lights flashing all around me being told she was gone but also forever since I’ve gotten to hear her or hug her. Memories and pictures feel like they just happened. I remember them like it was yesterday. The only explanation I can give to our survival is that we have leaned on and kept God close every second of everyday. We try very hard to stay focused on his will, his love, and his forgiveness so that the what ifs don’t rip us to pieces. I chose this picture as my first picture because I want to remind everyone what was important to her. She wrote this for herself as none of us knew about it until it was found in her bible the day everyone was told of the accident. She wrote it after doing a bible study from a book so I know she had to have written it sometime after May 18th when I purchased the book. Not even 2 months before she left us. Every time I read this I have to tell myself she was only 16 yrs old. She didn’t ask to be remembered for her beauty, what clothes she had, how popular she was, or pushing the limits of life. She wanted to leave a legacy that was honoring and pleasing to God. As we struggle through this life without her We stay focused on Gods promises as he holds her with him until we are blessed with seeing her again! Missing and remembering how blessed we were is the new normal for our family. Thank you to everyone who continues to pray for us.

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Happy Birthday Jesus!!

. Grief its Real . , , , , , , ,

Happy Birthday Jesus I can only imagine how happy my baby girl is to be with you on your birthday. This picture was taken a year ago today. My last Christmas with my amazingly beautiful daughter. I know she is perfectly happy and that she wants nothing but for us to be happy. We try our best to stay encouraged and focus on Gods love for us and her. The pain of missing her isn’t something I can pretend doesn’t exist. Especially on a day like today. I can take pictures smile and act as though we are a whole family but we are forever missing a vital part of what made us who we are. If I could just have a little window into heaven and see her I think it would help because part of my happiness came from making her happy. I know God knows my heart and that he continues to put people in our lives to encourage us and to help us walk through this life without her. Everyone of you are an answered prayer for us and we know we are blessed. When we go out to visit Sydney and find beautiful flowers and notes to her it allows us to see the love others had for her and how much she touched others lives. Thank you all for remembering her and our family. We want everyone to remember the reason we are celebrating today because our Savior was born..again Happy Birthday Jesus and Merry Christmas to all our friends and family.
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This time last year

. Grief its Real . , , , , ,

This time last year I was running around trying to finish Christmas shopping and getting everything together so our family would have an amazing Holiday…this year I’m terrified…terrified what tomorrow is going to feel like for me and my family. God please we can’t take much more pain. I beg you to intercede and protect our hearts…there is no possible way to avoid the emptiness we will feel tomorrow without my baby girl waking up in the morning and picking on us, filling the house with laughter, baking cookies with my mom, calling her Dado her Christmas miracle. I just want to wake up in the morning and find my precious Sydney Lisa Jeter in her room.

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We will be fine one minute and falling apart the next

. Grief its Real . , , , , ,

We have been blessed with a beautiful place to stay in Galveston for the last 3 days thanks to Jill Peterek Presnal and family. It has been a great distraction and it is so very beautiful. No matter where we go she stays in our hearts and minds. We will be fine one minute and be falling apart the next. Cameron and I were in Galveston with Sydney just 8 days before the accident. The memories are very cherished but also very raw. Stacy and I cried ourselves to sleep last night but wake up, try to stay encouraged, and continue to find out how to survive this life without Sydney. I’m posting a pic of the 3 of us. It seemed to be missing something so we included our thoughts and the best part to include one of her Instagram post she posted 9 days before she left us encouraging people. Please continue to pray for us as Christmas is coming whether we are ready or not.
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I’m not crazy I’m a grieving MOM

. Grief its Real . , , , , , ,

I am not crazy, I am not going to do anything that would dishonor my God or my daughter. The feelings I express on here are merely the words bleeding out of my heart. Hopefully my words will help someone understand how badly we hurt, or maybe it will remind them to take a second and pray for us, maybe it allows them to see how special and beautiful my daughter was when she was alive, or maybe it is just my way of getting them out of me so that new ones can fill there spot that may not be as raw. Sydney Lisa Jeter was not just my daughter, she was what any child is to their parents, part of my hopes my dreams my future. For the rest of my life when I wake up in the morning she will be what I think of, when I go to sleep she will be my last thought, and if God wants to share an extra blessing she will also be in my dreams at night. She was a part of me and that will never die. My desire to see her will not ease or decrease until it happens. These are natural feelings a parent has when they have lost their child. I often share post from a facebook page called Silent Grief – Child Loss Support hoping that anyone who thinks my pain is not normal will read not only her post as they speak my feeling exactly, but just for a second read the hundreds of comments from other hurting parents that have lost a child. For those that have experienced the horrific nightmare we live in…they feel the exact same way. I am not crazy I am just not who I used to be…a part of my died with her as she was a part of me. I am now a bereaved parent forever missing and remembering the amazing daughter I had that was taken from me. Nothing will ever make it better, and time does not heal. But I do believe that my God did not allow that night to happen to hurt me, a parent would never do that to a child they love and I am his child. I will wake up everyday think of my precious baby girl and know that I will start my day praying not my will God but yours. These holidays have ripped us to pieces. I think, through it al,l we have done well so far because we know we aren’t truly alone even though we feel it. God is there walking beside us every step of the way, and he has her right beside him.