Tag Archives: Sydney Jeter

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I smiled some this last week but I cried even harder

. Getting to Know Sydney, Grief its Real . , , , , , , , ,

I smiled some this last week but I cried even harder. I’m thankful for any second that I can smile or laugh but it’s usually followed by an extreme feeling of wishing she had been with me for the laughter. I know how strong she was and how strong she wants us to be. She was so focused on following God and letting people know that he was the answer. This is a picture of her closet where every morning at 7am she got up and had her quite time. She was 16 and set this up all herself. She gave up half her closet space and made a chair out of a big pillow two pillow pets and a blanket so that she could have no distractions. This is probably one of my favorite things she did..it shows where her heart was and how important God was to her. I often think if I could just see into Heaven and watch her smiling with Jesus it would help. I know as hard as it is everyday, we survive because God never leaves our side no matter how alone we feel or how bad we want her back. Love and miss you Sydney always and forever!
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Today marks 100 days without her

. Grief its Real . , , , , , , ,

Today marks 100 days without one of the biggest and loving personalities I have ever known. I miss her so much. Words can’t really describe. I appreciate all the prayers and support everyone has given us through this storm that seems to continue to darken. Stacy will often tell me that this is wrong and more than unfair. We lost our baby girl, all the dreams she had. She won’t be there for Cameron’s first girlfriend, his school sports, his graduation, ect… He misses his sister just as much as we do…I thought I would share what I’ve learned these last 100 days…life has changed forever..it doesn’t get easier it gets harder..no matter how much you’ve done its never enough when their gone forever..crying becomes as natural as waking up…tears don’t dry up..thinking about the future feels like someone is ripping your heart out…what people think becomes important especially since all we have left is what people remember and their thoughts of her…even when you want to sit in your pity and not move God will send someone to lift you up and make you thankful…no matter how much you grab onto things nothing gives you the feeling of her being here and loving all over us…love doesn’t stop it continues to grow…even if you think you can’t live without someone you don’t always get that choice…I’m so thankful for all the out of the ordinary things I did with her…no matter how many times I fall God is faithful to pick me up and give me the strength I need to make it to the next day even when I didn’t think it was possible…missing her never stops… Sydney Lisa Jeter you will be with me forever and always.

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It’s easy to trust when we have everything

. Grief its Real . , , , , , , , , ,

God tells us to trust him. It is easy to trust him when we have everything and we are being blessed but the true test of trust is when you trust him even when you aren’t getting what you want. When you know what you want from him…you can’t have but you still trust that he holds the only answers..even though they aren’t the ones you want. My pain will never go away I suffer each and everyday wanting to hear her, hold her, and see her. I don’t know how I make it through each day. The pain is literally exhausting. I’m tired and I want to quit hurting to just give up but each day continues to come and I have no choice but to continue. I’m pulled between loving Cameron and wanting the best for him but missing and longing to see my baby girl. As bad as I hurt I still trust that she is in the hands of The Lord waiting for the day her family joins her next to Jesus!

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Homecoming game

. Grief its Real . , , , , ,

Well It’s the homecoming game tonight. There really nothing else I can say other than I’m missing her more than ever right now but I know she will be watching over those football boys tonight. Im thankful that God is my best friend. He’s the only one that knows the true depth of my pain. He walks with me everyday encouraging me cause he knows how alone and empty I feel and how badly we just want her back. Life keeps me praying continually as I can’t even make it to the next hour with out his help. Miss you baby girl forever and always!

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We made plans…

. Grief its Real . , , , , ,

Our hearts stay heavy with sorrow. Thinking a lot this week about all the plans we had made that stretched beyond 7/10/13. I will tell all you Moms and Dads to remember not only that your not promised tomorrow but that your not promised right now God doesn’t have to let your babies come home from school or let you tuck them in at night. Appreciate them right NOW because they can walk out the door for ice cream and never come home. I have very few regrets ever with Sydney as we lived and did so much together. Oh how God blessed me so very much with how close she allowed me to be with her as a teenager. However the closeness causes the pain to be so much sharper and deeper into my soul. No matter how much time you have or have given I can promise you its never enough when they are gone forever. You always want more…Last year at this time we were running around finalizing homecoming plans. My heart feels so very crushed as I won’t get the joy of seeing her all beautifully dressed up and capturing her happiness in my pictures. Instead her dress and shoes will stay exactly where they are in her closet as I do the only thing I can do PRAY!

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I am a broken person but I do not have a broken spirit

. Grief its Real . , , , , , , , ,

I may walk the rest of my life with a torn and broken heart missing everything about her..the laughter, the smiles, the constant playing around, the love she had and gave to others, the way at 16 she still called me mommy, how she always wanted to be touching you, but most of all I will miss watching her love, change, and grow in Christ like nothing I’ve ever seen before. Yes I’m broken to the core of my very soul. But I am not walking with a broken spirit. If Sydney Lisa Jeter taught me anything its that NOW is the only time you are guaranteed to be able to live your life for him. It is only by his grace and his promise that I may be in his presence and see my beautiful girl again. I’m comforted by the thought that no one not even me can take care of or love her the way God loves her. I live everyday for him and the promises he gave and died for…I live so that I may see her again. She lives next to a gracious and loving God watching over me as I struggle in my flesh and with my broken heart on this earth loving and taking care of her brother and her Daddy knowing that by my actions and walk with God. I will see her again. I will love my girl always and forever!

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Posting pics without her…a Mom’s worst nightmare

. Grief its Real . , , , , ,

Before the game this past weekend. This is my family now. For those of you that worry about Cameron he is doing well. As hard as it is to accept and live life without my precious girl I don’t really have a choice as I love Cameron just as much and God gives me just enough strength to do what I have to so that his life is the best it can be. I’ve held these pics and not posted them because it tears me apart to post it without her in it. I’m living every Mom’s worst nightmare. Being forced to live without her has been torture. I want to hold on and just refuse to move but life is moving and everyday something else happens that she isn’t a part of and we have to make memories without her. I’m not sure where I would be if it weren’t for all the prayers as I have never hurt and suffered so bad in my life. The thought of living years without her brings me to my knees. I grasp for anything and everything to make me feel close to her so that I may glorify God while waiting for the day he blesses me with being reunited with my baby girl.
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Our last conversation

. Getting to Know Sydney, Grief its Real . , , , , , , ,

This was the last text conversation I had with her that night. She came home after that and was so very happy and playful before they left for ice cream. I’m so glad I took the time to text her and tell her how proud I was watching them walk out of church carrying their bibles. I can’t wait until the day I’m blessed to see her again.
July10th 2nd

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Sending birthday notes

. Grief its Real . , , , , ,

From the day she was born to her first birthday and all the ones in between she has been a part of me. I’m so very jealous that I was not the one beside her this year celebrating. I don’t have any pictures of her, I just have to pray and know that she had an amazing birthday with Jesus yesterday. I hope I she was honored and proud of all we did and that she loved all the scripture attached to the balloons. I beg for strength as the pain of losing someone as amazing as Sydney Lisa Jeter is just more than I can do on my own. Love you Sydney forever and always