Today is 2 1/2 yrs..2 1/2 yrs since I got to wrap my arms around her and hug her..There’s never a second of the day I’m not thinking about and missing her. I wish so badly that knowing she’s standing right next to me could some how satisfy my aching heart but my flesh will never be satisfied until the day we are reunited with her again. Until then I will fix my eyes and heart on God and live my life honoring her every step of the way. Forever loving and missing you Sydney Lisa Jeter
One of my favorite I love you Sydney. Forever my #missablekindofgirl
I have never been more relieved for a season to be over than I am for Thanksgiving and Christmas to finally be through. The last two months have felt like a slow steady torture to my heart and soul. The mental and spiritual battle has been exhausting as I wrestled with hating a day but loving so deeply the reason for it..I continued to battle my feelings of devastation by thinking about how thankful I am for Jesus, his birth and the sacrifice he made for me..Unfortunately as I was forced to go out and participate in buying presents..I didn’t feel the love of God around me..I felt the commercialization and excessive buying..the feeling of ppl buying happiness instead of giving gifts that are filled with personal meaning and thought..this only magnified the emptiness and lost feelings I was wanting so badly to avoid as my happiness can’t be found in something bought but instead in the love and memories I’ve made..Thoughts constantly running through my mind about how much would be missing from our tree and the inability to fill it..Wanting desperately to find the joy everyone is praying for us to find but understanding that is not where God has me right now..I’m not throwing a pity party Im not dwelling on her loss..I’m missing her..who she was and the sheer enjoyment she brought to our lives..I noticed Cameron was also looking for her and for a way to include her..it was his idea to take pictures with her cross..Stacy had put all his gifts together but noticed two were missing..one a bible similar to Sydney’s I later found beside his bed and the other a personalized soccer ball he carried around with him that says “PlayForJeter”❤️It does make me feel a little joy knowing that he too finds his happiness in gifts that were not the most expensive by monetary means but priceless to him because of the love and meaning attached. So I’m relieved to no longer struggle with wrestling spiritually with the over overindulgence of Christmas surrounding me and constantly feeling pressure to find joy in something that makes me feel so awful.
Halloween used to provide so much excitement and happiness for our family. It was one of the holidays we looked forward to..I would have easily said I loved Halloween but now it provides so much pain and emptiness. The last two years we stayed home not really participating in the holiday so when Cameron wanted to join our friends and their family for Halloween I was excited and happy but as the days got closer the emptiness seemed to be continually moving in on me. I will say I fought hard and am very grateful that I got to see my son participate in Halloween for the first time since his sister’s accident. I will never feel the same about Halloween..it takes everything in me not to hate it. It is so hard to continue living for Cameron when I’m dying inside. I couldn’t have made it with out two of my amazing friends who are willing to let us be a part of their families celebration no matter how broken or how bad I’m hurting. Life doesn’t stop and you truly never realize how many holidays there are until they provide pain instead of joy. Thankful God has blessed us with amazing friends who aren’t scared of tears and are willing to love and include us no matter what..
Most people don’t look at someone with an amputated leg and expect them to become what they once were..It’s obvious when you look at them they are missing a piece of themselves..They must learn to balance..to walk…and possibly run again..but never will we look at them and expect them to have their leg back..yet many look at a grieving parent hoping and waiting for the day they are better..the day the pain eases and they have “their leg” back..Reality is..they have lost a piece of them just as if they have lost a body part..our handicap may not be visible but it is REAL..I must learn how to balance..walk..and eventually run again..but NEVER will I be whole again..I will never accept the fact that she had to leave but I have accepted the reality that she isn’t coming back..The pain of not having her will NEVER leave however I am praying for the grace to benefit from it and the willingness to let God use it to glorify him..No doubt God has been faithful to me just as he always is..I learned in an Experiencing God class years ago that God is always at work around you, you don’t have to run to a different city or another country to do his work..He has overwhelmed me with opportunities to disciple others right here as I continue to focus on him through my own handicap..but I am beyond humbled at the latest opportunity God has given me to help others..I was contacted by Kathe Hawkins a few months after Sydney’s accident and she talked about a need she saw in our community for a safe place for kids to go who have suffered loss and help them process their grief and allow them to remember their loved ones…it is not something that is easy to start, but with God all things are possible, and over a year later and her speaking and partnering with the right people her idea has a name, a building, and an amazing team that I get to be a part of..We are beginning to offer training classes for volunteers who may want to join and scheduling intake meetings for those who are in need of the services offered..I’m super excited to see the healing this facility will provide for our community and honored to know that Sydney was part of Kathe’s initial inspiration. I may not be whole, I may be unbalanced, and I may still stumble as I survive my handicap, but It continues to encourage me to know that even as broken as I am God still invites me to join him where he is at work. Please feel free to contact me if you would like any additional information
Warning–this post could be upsetting to some due to some specific’s shared..I’ve never spoken openly about these feelings but today I can’t seem to get rid of the feelings or desire to try and explain the unexplainable..Exactly 16 years and 10 months after I held her for the first time and 2 yrs ago today with tears swelling in my eyes I laid my head on her casket for the last time..forced to physically part with her. I will tell you that at the time It was hard for me to view her..I personally fixed her hair and tried everything as I wanted desperately to have an open casket funeral..We had a beautiful eagle embroidered on the inside along with the scripture Isaiah 40:31 but the trauma she had experienced was obvious and unable to be hidden so we had to make the hard decision to close her casket. I thought I would find some peace or comfort in seeing her but It offered me NO amount of peace or comfort, only a deep rooted desire for it..I share those specific feelings from 2 yrs ago to help people understand my feelings today and how missing someone doesn’t get easier it gets harder..today I would handle that moment completely different I would most likely crawl up in the casket and lay beside her holding on as long as I was able to..as time moves on we start to settle for so much less because less is all we have..its sad for me to know that I miss her so bad I would even want that moment back. But that is my truth and my reality. Many things have changed for me over the past two years. I have learned how to live grasping hard to the less I’m offered and have always found ways to make that less as fulfilling as I can. Her spirit never leaves me..her faith fills me with encouragement and hope..but I will forever desire and miss her physically being here crawling all over me every second she could..the road and journey for a parent whose child is in heaven is unending and painful as we will never be truly satisfied with less..it’s impossible and unnatural…I survive because of Gods promises and believing that as he has promised I will spend eternity with so much MORE instead of less.
I am beyond overwhelmed, beyond grateful, and beyond blessed to see and be a part of people giving back to my family the love Sydney so beautifully gave to them. It is still unbelievable to me that Friday marked 2 yrs since she left. The emptiness never leaves, what many do not understand is that for us Friday was easier then any other day easier because the one thing that eases and lifts our pain is knowing Sydney was remembered and loved beyond her short life here. Anniversary dates seem to be days others find it most appropriate to share memories, pictures, and time remembering and sharing the legacy she left. I did not spend the day celebrating..I am still human and I will never celebrate her leaving me, but I did spend my day DOING what she would have been doing if she were here. We shared God, shared love, shared food, and enjoyed the pool..with people who love her. Thank you first to a family friend Carlos who graciously cooked and provided the fajitas, for everyone who came out Friday, for all the prayers, and for anyone who showed the world a little bit of Sydney’s love..God never ceases to remind me that he not only has but will continue to shine and create good out of all the bad..It was not possible for me to get pictures of everyone or with everyone but this video includes the ones I was blessed to get..I will load all the individual pics from the slideshow in an album…Sydney Lisa Jeter may the legacy you built and the love you so amazingly gave continue to be shared. You touched so many people’s lives in a positive way and you are still sharing God with people today. Love you forever and always.
My mind is all over the place so many things the last few days reminding me of 2 yrs ago..I miss her so much I feel like I should be laying in my bed crying but every morning I get some kind of notification from her timehop or just a memory I remember of that day and instead of sorrow it fills me with encouragement and the reality of how amazingly blessed I was to have someone who loved like she did..who loved others so much that she did anything and everything to help encourage them and share what she had learned about God..because she reached out and posted on social media or sent a text I’m blessed with a beautiful reminder at the hardest time in my life from her about how amazing our God is, about how much she trusted him and how important faith is..don’t get me wrong tears still fall but they aren’t falling without the hope she left me..2 yrs ago today she totaled her car and walked away giving God all the glory for protecting her..overwhelming and emotional for me to look back on and mainly I want to say..DO NOT TAKE NOT EVEN A MOMENT FOR GRANTED..she walked away from that wreck but was gone forever less than 48 hours later..The day I meet Jesus after thanking him for all he suffered so my sin could be forgiven I will thank him for the precious gift of those two extra days because after almost 2 yrs I realize the value of every second we got with her something we often take for granted. We appreciated every second in those two days telling her over and over how much we loved her how proud we were of her and when we hugged her we hugged with meaning. When you hug your child tonight..realize the gift they are because you aren’t guaranteed to keep them forever. As we approach 2 yrs again I invite you to come help us through the day Friday. I can’t possibly send personal invites so takes this as your invite. You did not have to be her friend or know her some of my biggest blessings are the days I get to tell people who never knew her who she was..We will be sending off sky lanterns from the house at dusk. Hopefully we will see some of her friends but also our own friends it’s a tough journey and there is nothing worse than walking it alone
I’ve started to type out this status several times now but end up in tears, but today I’m going to push through because time isn’t going to slow down and stop for me and the 10th is coming whether I want it to or not. Many have asked if we are planning to do anything on July 10th, which will be 2 yrs since Sydney’s accident. I’ve learned many things since that horrific night. I’ve learned that this pain is never ending..time doesn’t make it better or easier and enduring the heartache alone only magnifies the emptiness. I could lay in bed and cry all day or I sit at the cemetery and cry but inside I know that isn’t what Sydney would want from us. She wants us to remember her..how much she loved life, her laughter, her smile, her craziness, and most importantly her love for others and God. So again Stacy Jeter and I will have our house open for anyone who would like to stop by visit and offer support and encourage through out the day. You can stay for 5 minutes or stay the whole day whichever works for you schedule. The pool will be clean and waiting for people to enjoy it. We will have some BBQ and plenty of snacks. You do not have to know Sydney or us to stop by..If her legacy has touched you please consider coming by and sharing that with us. Last year on the 10th I had two girls stop by I had never met..It was one of my biggest blessings to hear their stories and get to know them. I will also have a few of her books there for anyone who might want to look through it or who may want a copy. We will also be sending up a few sky lanterns at dusk. We appreciate all the people who have continued to walk beside us and pray for us. We are forever grateful!! Love you forever and always Sydney Lisa Jeter
Vacations cause us as much pain as they do enjoyment and laughter. The pain of losing her is unending and many may feel we don’t appreciate the blessings of a beautiful vacation in Colorado but the truth is..we understand and appreciate every second of it..if we didn’t realize how big of a blessing it is we wouldn’t be able to fight through the pain..cry at night and smile during the day fighting so that we don’t waste one second that God has given us with Cameron..we aren’t at home in the bed giving into our sadness we are here seeking comfort from God walking his path as we try to continue living. My vacations may be filled with pain and sorrow but Its because of my loss and pain that I understand how blessed I am..how important todays memories are to my tomorrow or Cameron’s tomorrow. I do not post on social media to pretend I have the perfect life or make you think nothing bad has ever happened to me..I post instead hoping to show you that even when life has given you the unbearable..the unthinkable..an unending sorrow..If you truly believe and focus on God instead of letting it destroy you..you can learn from it and even while enduring it possibly help others learn from it as well. I am thankful for every blessing God has placed on my family since we lost Sydney but it is not the blessings of this world that I am most thankful for..it is the gift that he has given..the promises that my eternity will be filled with far more then the blessings I’ve received in this world
A Legacy of a Lifetime 