Tag Archives: God

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God’s not Dead…Love and miss you Sydney Lisa Jeter

. Getting to Know Sydney, Grief its Real . , , , , , , , , , ,

I’m just a little different when it comes to sharing messages..I don’t just want to speak something to someone I want them to understand..get it..feel it..God’s not Dead was a very good movie but very emotional for me..I already had an extremely hard time at church crying the whole way through worship..because not only do I miss Sydney more than anything..I know she’s happy and experiencing for real every word we sing..then emotionally heart broken we head to the movie..I had never even seen a preview..So many little messages through out that movie for us..first off..sometimes the answer is NO..boy this one hurts..we didn’t want our answer to be no..We knew something was wrong that night..she was never late and always stayed in communication with me so when I left to go look for her..Stacy was on his knees in the front yard praying to God “please let her be ok”..I was praying the same prayer as I was driving out to go look for her..our answer was No..I do not believe that God took her that night..But I do believe he allowed free will..and the decisions made..did take her that night..her work was not finished..but God worked through Sydney’s life and will work through her death..the messages he had her leave for us to find..the post she shared on Instagram and Facebook..are there for others to see..to see how her heart changed that last year..I believe I also saw this message through the movie..God knows our life..our story has been written..he knows we have free will but never gives up..every time you are tempted by selfish desires..God has also provided a way out..the teacher had his mom speaking truth..when he rejected God didnt give up..he sent someone else a student/girlfriend to love and plant seeds..he still rejected..but God still loved so he sent the student who would end up debating w/him who also planted seeds..but still rejecting..God didn’t give up..he continued sending people into his life..God never gives up on us knowing we may never accept..THANK YOU GOD..you see he didn’t give up on my baby either..as she was struggling he continued to send ppl into her life to speak truth..she grabbed on several times but would get sucked back into the world a few times but the last time..The Holy Spirit was so strong..she understood..she grabbed on..changing everything about herself..she deleted her twitter, changed the music she listened to..she was pulling away from people that were bad influences, reaching out an offering forgiveness, she used her social media to share Gods message to try and save people from the lies Satan tells them..it was beautiful and I was blessed to have been able to witness such a powerful change..all this because God never gave up on her..he continued to send OBEDIENT ppl into her life..she always had a choice to walk away..Thank God her last choice was to whole heartedly give every bit of her life to such an amazing God..So I will end by asking you..which person are you going to be in this life..the one that speaks against God..the one that lives for the world and just signs a piece of paper to make their life easy or the one who will chose to be obedient, and live so that God can use you..you might just be the last truth someone hears..Thank you to every obedient Christian who walked through my daughters life..You allowed God to use your life because you lived for him and not yourself and Thank you to my beautiful girl Sydney Lisa Jeter God is still working good through your obedience what a beautiful legacy you left..I miss you!10245524_781787401833829_5035193812345732533_n

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Nine months..I can’t believe it

. Grief its Real . , , , , , , , ,

Nine months today..I can’t believe it..9 months ago I got the worst news of my life..months keep passing whether I want them to or not..Each day is another day further away from the last time I hugged her or heard her voice..I knew I wasn’t going to be okay so in the last 9 months I’ve went to two different grief groups and a retreat for moms who have lost a child..I’ve had ppl tell me(with good intentions) that maybe some medicine would help me..I’m looking for the answer..the fix..the cure..so I can love my life again..Reality is I’m not..and that is OK..I’m not suppose to love this world..I’m suppose to feel like I don’t belong here..God has me exactly where Im suppose to be..living and longing for something better than what this world has to offer..I hate it..I didn’t want to learn this lesson like this..I WANT MY BABY BACK! I don’t even know how I got where I am..I just keep waking up and time keeps passing..I keep praying and God keeps giving me strength..I know my reward will come and that gives me so much hope but it in no way takes away any of the pain I feel every second of everyday I live without her..Thank you to everyone who continues to pray, continues to carry us when we can’t seem to stand, for all the new moms I met that are walking this horrible nightmare, all the amazing soccer girls who played and continue to “PlayforJeter” words can not describe how much every little thing means to us! Always and forever Sydney Lisa Jeter
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The first never stop

. Grief its Real . , , , , , , ,

Haven’t posted since before spring break. Good news is we made it through a few more first without her, not without tears and heartache that is indescribable. But for whatever reason we continue to deal with new issues that continually add to our heartache. I was going to post in detail about it..but its not the time..lets just say its pretty unbelievable what people are capable of doing..not just to us or her memory..but to themselves..I wish I could just hate them but in the end my heart breaks because I know they will regret every bit of what they are doing. It is going to eat them up inside one day..The things they are chosing to do not only hurt us and her memory but is going to destroy them when they are older and realize they can’t undo some of the things they have done. I’m not sure when it will be enough, but we are weak, broken, and just want the pain to end. I sat on her floor yesterday and just screamed and cried most of the day..if only that would bring her back..I do have moments of happiness but so far they are short moments away from the pain that eats away at you from the inside..I’m trying to continue to live and I know she wouldn’t want me to be this broken, but no matter how hard I try it doesn’t happen..I still cry and miss her..I’ve accomplished a lot and continued with life but it seems so empty sometimes..Ive learned the only thing that takes a little sting off the pain is to remember her, keep people around that enjoyed her life and want to talk about her, people that cherish the things and memories she gave them as much as we do. I have been blessed with a few of her friends that include us in their lives…I’m not sure anyone can understand how much that means..I was so connected to Sydney and her life..I did everything with her she can never be replaced but for kids her age to take the time and spend and hangout with a Mom so that I can still feel included in the life of a teenager…It might sound stupid but it helps because a piece of her lives in them..some of them have a similar personality to Sydney and I feel her through them and smiling and laughing with them..The pain doesn’t stop but neither does God..he can’t take away our pain but he gives us enough of what we need to stay focused on him, and make it through another da, hopefully showing others nothing is impossible with God..He carries us when we are too weak to walk ourselves..I can not image this horrible journey without him…He is our only hope

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Missing her no matter where we are

. Grief its Real . , , , , , , , ,

The last several months we have learned..we miss her no matter where we are the grocery store, the house, the mall, the beach, the truth is we miss her every second..we’ve also learned that nothing takes away the pain so we can’t avoid people, places, or things..being with the people she loved, doing the things she loved, in the places she loved is some of the closet moments we have with her so we are leaving tomorrow to head to the Frio River/Garner State Park for spring break carrying our girl every second with us in our hearts because it is impossible for us to do anything without her..we can not live life without thinking about her or wanting to see and hear her enjoying this life with us..she is forever connected to our souls and she lives forever deep within us..that will never be enough for my aching heart but its impossible for me to have it any other way..because if you could die from a broken heart💔 I wouldn’t be alive and if love could have saved her..she wouldn’t have died🙏

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God continues to teach even though I don’t want to learn anymore :(

. Grief its Real . , , , , , , , ,

God continues to work on my heart..he is teaching me so much..honestly I don’t want to learn it..I don’t want to grow stronger. I want to scream NO MORE..I’ve had enough I don’t want anymore pain or bitterness in my life but for whatever reason God continues to allow our trials and pain to be magnified..I miss Sydney Lisa Jeter so much..as I’ve said before its impossible to explain the emotional torment that goes on in my mind..I would think if I had to physically explain the pain I would say it would be similar to someone tying ropes to each of my hands/arms and pulling them slowly in opposite directions..its a slow agonizing pain that has increased as we have walked through such awful betrayal. As a mom all you have left when your child leaves is her memory and how people treat that memory can hurt as bad as losing your child..especially when it is the last moments of your child’s life..God tested my faith through all of this not just my faith in him but my faith in what I saw him do in Sydney’s life..I witnessed the most beautiful change of heart in Sydney with my own eyes unlike most who can only hear it or read it..I got to see it with my own eyes..I started to question it when these lies started but then God brought me to my knees with humility..how could I question what I saw and know could only be God..he reminded me through some post of Sydney’s accident just two days before..she had a photo album on her phone labeled God and the pictures of her wrecked car were placed there..she KNEW God was in control of her life because she knew her heart and she trusted him with every bit of her life to the very last second..she spent about 6 hours in bible studies the day she died not because she had to but because she wanted to..she was at peace with her life..perfectly happy with whatever God decided for her..she was listening to him and seeking him daily..when God lifted me from my knees I thought how could anyone much less myself believe the lies that were said regarding her..then in church this morning our preacher was speaking about Judas and said even though Judas knew he was the one Jesus was talking about..he still denied it because even though He knew..he was still trying to deceive everyone else..this is a perfect parallel to our situation..even though the person knows they are lying..they continue because they are still interested in deceiving everyone else even at the expenses of my precious daughter..I learned that as much as it hurts I will not avoid betrayal in my life..I do not deserve what we have been put through..but Jesus did not deserve to be put to death for my sins..my suffering I pray is honoring and glorifying to my God..I am not strong, I am weak, I am human I have been hurt beyond what I could have ever imagined..Sydney was just an ordinary girl that struggled with the same things every other teenage girl struggles with..looking for love and happiness from the world instead of God..she made plenty of mistakes in her life..as we all do but this is why we/she need Jesus to cleanse her soul..the most amazing part..the only thing that makes Sydney any different from any other teenage girl is only her decision to find her joy happiness and love from her Father in Heaven who she now spends her days with away from the pains of this world..that..no one can take away from her..not even with lies..I’m still here walking my journey, feeling my arms pulled in opposite directions as I have to continue without her..I don’t want to..but as long as I’m living..I’m living for God..he will walk with me never leaving me and he will protect and provide Justice if not in this life for sure in the next..Psalm 37:12-15 The wicked plot against the righteous and gnash their teeth at them; but The Lord laughs at the wicked, for he knows their day is coming. The wicked draw the sword and bend the bow to bring down the poor and needy, to slay those whose ways are upright. But their swords will pierce their own hearts, and their bows will be broken..(these verses were posted by Sydney on Instagram the week before she died)

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Realizing nothing will ever be the same

. Grief its Real . , , , , , , , ,

I realize that as I walk through this life with a part of us missing..nothing will ever be the same. Rainy days are depressing..sunny days I’m lonely missing my girl who was willing to pick up and go anywhere to do anything at any moment. Her birthday, Cameron’s birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years…every single holiday is missing something..Even the most perfect moments of my life are going to be missing something..I can’t change it I can’t stop the pain I can only draw near to God and know that on that day that my life became permanently missing something..she was given the most amazing gift of eternal life. I realize how amazing God is because I know I couldn’t survive everyday if it wasn’t for his promises and love. I’m still learning and walking through all of my first and on Thursday I took Cameron to see Imagine Dragons..Sydney Lisa Jeter had talked to him about it and she had already made plans to take him..so I walked where she was unable to walk..she was so excited and couldn’t wait to have that time with him..I was full of mixed emotions as I stepped in and fulfilled her dream of taking him..I was proud to do it for her but I also felt overwhelmed and a little angry that this moment was stolen from her and Cameron but I found the strength and walked through another first..Cameron Rachel and I had a great time..I enjoyed watching how happy he was and I know she was right there with us watching him as well..I understand fully what it means to lean of God for your strength..I’m not really capable of living through what I’ve been dealt..it is hard enough just living life without Sydney but some people chose to give us additional lies, and betrayal to deal with..in the end when all is said and done I will leave Justice up to my father in heaven..he says woe to anyone who causes one of mine to stumble..the lies that cause me more depression and have caused me more suffering..well those people will stand before God one day and will answer for it..if they haven’t repented and changed their life they will end up in eternal hell and the only way to avoid that is by true repentance and that would mean facing all the lies they have told..God is real and his justice is real..it either happens in this life or the next but you can’t avoid it!

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Proof that through my suffering God still allows me to find humor

. Grief its Real . , , , , , , ,

I still laugh, I can still smile, I’m still just as crazy as I ever was..so just in case some of you worry about me too much here is a little proof that through my suffering God still allows me to find humor..and when its really scary..I get my strength from her because I know she has never left me..she lives deep in my heart and soul..we are connected forever!
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Happy Valentine’s Day Sydney Lisa Jeter

. Grief its Real . , , , , , , , ,

Happy Valentine’s Day Sydney Lisa Jeter No way was I gonna let you go without flowers on Valentine’s Day💞so I made this arrangement with the help of an amazing friend at Petal Patch. I was volunteering to help her and had ordered Sydney’s arrangement when she said why don’t you make it for her..and here it is…I think its perfect..Red Roses to represent her ultimate beauty, white carnations to symbolize her elegance, and the popping yellow daisies to capture her amazing personality that shines so bright on everyone she loved..and the final touch a lady bug to symbolize her protection and love for her family and ability to want to stand up for those that deserved it..I miss my baby girl so much..I live life with a whole right in the center of my heart and soul. All I can do is make her flowers I can’t hug her kiss her or spend time talking to her😢👼but never not for a second does my mind ever rest from thinking and praying she were still here. I know she had the best valentines day ever though because her Valentine was not a human man that can let you down but the ONE TRUE PRINCE Jesus! Forever missing you Sydney…Love you sweet pea!
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Dealing with grief along with lies and betrayal..thanks to those who helped us

. Grief its Real . , , , , , , , , , ,

I haven’t posted in a while and to be honest I just haven’t been able to..Our lives have been ripped apart again as we walk through the pains of losing Sydney. It is unbelievable what we have had to walk through and the damage done to the hearts of so many that should be focused on grieving Sydney instead of dealing with lies, and betrayals towards Sydney her family and her true friends. I have used Facebook as a healing tool for me to share my deepest emotions not only to rid them from my mind but hopefully help others understand the depth of pain that until you experience it..is unimaginable. I had to stop my healing process and instead attend to what I was being dealt. I could have come screaming to Facebook about my injustice, pointing fingers, and attacking those who have done these disgusting, horrible things to my daughter’s memory and my family but I didn’t…I stopped gathered with my husband cried, prayed and asked others for Godly advice and guidance. That my friends is an extremely hard thing to do when you daughters memory is being attacked and disrespected all by people who say they love her…It has been a long painful road but we have walked it with God right beside us every step of the way. He has never once left us or not provided the Godly answer we needed. I have never been more proud of my husband and his strength through this journey. Yesterday marked 7 months my baby girl has been gone…I for the first time was able to be unselfish and could feel happy that she wasn’t here going through the pains her father, true friends and myself have…she sat next to Jesus with no tears no pain and not having to feel that betrayal…because I know the only thing that could hurt worse then the pain I feel is to have to watch her endure it. Thank you God for protecting her and keeping her safe from that pain…she deserves non of what has happened…she loved people with everything she had…and always saw the best in people even when they didn’t deserve it because she knew at one point in her life she didn’t deserve the love of God but he loved her anyway…Her spirit was amazing and I will forever be blessed to have been her mom. Friday night the community gathered to honor my daughter at the crosstown showdown Consol vs Bryan soccer game. It was beautiful and helped remind us that although what we are dealing with is hard, hurtful, and real…it is just a very small portion of the community..and that showed on Friday when her soccer teammates from Rec, club, and school, the soccer community, her family, and her best friends their with her family showed up and made the most beautiful ceremony. Thank you everyone that has prayed, stood with us, and most importantly truly loved our daughter. I am and will always be Greatful!

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When a part of you is missing

. Grief its Real . , , , , , , , ,

Do you realize how hard it is to smile, to laugh, to find a desire to want to live the next day when a part of you is missing? I’m off balance, I’m in constant pain that is never ending. The fact that I smile throughout the days or smile through tears is not from me..I’m incapable of surviving the loss of Sydney..I loved her so much..I’m not okay with not seeing her again or worshiping next to her in church or watching her love God through this screwed up world. No matter what I feel or go through or how bad I want to give up..at the end of the day I find my strength because I do honestly believe deep down in my soul that God is Lord and knows what is best. I put my trust in him that as much as I’m suffering he knew what was best so even though I haven’t gotten what I wanted in this world I will no doubt be given all my hearts desires through God when it is time. So I’m able to survive my struggles, tears, and pain because of my true belief in God. It is through him and his promises that I have a hope of something better than the pains of this world. I still can’t believe I have to live this life without her..
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