My mind is all over the place so many things the last few days reminding me of 2 yrs ago..I miss her so much I feel like I should be laying in my bed crying but every morning I get some kind of notification from her timehop or just a memory I remember of that day and instead of sorrow it fills me with encouragement and the reality of how amazingly blessed I was to have someone who loved like she did..who loved others so much that she did anything and everything to help encourage them and share what she had learned about God..because she reached out and posted on social media or sent a text I’m blessed with a beautiful reminder at the hardest time in my life from her about how amazing our God is, about how much she trusted him and how important faith is..don’t get me wrong tears still fall but they aren’t falling without the hope she left me..2 yrs ago today she totaled her car and walked away giving God all the glory for protecting her..overwhelming and emotional for me to look back on and mainly I want to say..DO NOT TAKE NOT EVEN A MOMENT FOR GRANTED..she walked away from that wreck but was gone forever less than 48 hours later..The day I meet Jesus after thanking him for all he suffered so my sin could be forgiven I will thank him for the precious gift of those two extra days because after almost 2 yrs I realize the value of every second we got with her something we often take for granted. We appreciated every second in those two days telling her over and over how much we loved her how proud we were of her and when we hugged her we hugged with meaning. When you hug your child tonight..realize the gift they are because you aren’t guaranteed to keep them forever. As we approach 2 yrs again I invite you to come help us through the day Friday. I can’t possibly send personal invites so takes this as your invite. You did not have to be her friend or know her some of my biggest blessings are the days I get to tell people who never knew her who she was..We will be sending off sky lanterns from the house at dusk. Hopefully we will see some of her friends but also our own friends it’s a tough journey and there is nothing worse than walking it alone
Tag Archives: loss of a child
Invitation
I’ve started to type out this status several times now but end up in tears, but today I’m going to push through because time isn’t going to slow down and stop for me and the 10th is coming whether I want it to or not. Many have asked if we are planning to do anything on July 10th, which will be 2 yrs since Sydney’s accident. I’ve learned many things since that horrific night. I’ve learned that this pain is never ending..time doesn’t make it better or easier and enduring the heartache alone only magnifies the emptiness. I could lay in bed and cry all day or I sit at the cemetery and cry but inside I know that isn’t what Sydney would want from us. She wants us to remember her..how much she loved life, her laughter, her smile, her craziness, and most importantly her love for others and God. So again Stacy Jeter and I will have our house open for anyone who would like to stop by visit and offer support and encourage through out the day. You can stay for 5 minutes or stay the whole day whichever works for you schedule. The pool will be clean and waiting for people to enjoy it. We will have some BBQ and plenty of snacks. You do not have to know Sydney or us to stop by..If her legacy has touched you please consider coming by and sharing that with us. Last year on the 10th I had two girls stop by I had never met..It was one of my biggest blessings to hear their stories and get to know them. I will also have a few of her books there for anyone who might want to look through it or who may want a copy. We will also be sending up a few sky lanterns at dusk. We appreciate all the people who have continued to walk beside us and pray for us. We are forever grateful!! Love you forever and always Sydney Lisa Jeter
Vacations include pain
Vacations cause us as much pain as they do enjoyment and laughter. The pain of losing her is unending and many may feel we don’t appreciate the blessings of a beautiful vacation in Colorado but the truth is..we understand and appreciate every second of it..if we didn’t realize how big of a blessing it is we wouldn’t be able to fight through the pain..cry at night and smile during the day fighting so that we don’t waste one second that God has given us with Cameron..we aren’t at home in the bed giving into our sadness we are here seeking comfort from God walking his path as we try to continue living. My vacations may be filled with pain and sorrow but Its because of my loss and pain that I understand how blessed I am..how important todays memories are to my tomorrow or Cameron’s tomorrow. I do not post on social media to pretend I have the perfect life or make you think nothing bad has ever happened to me..I post instead hoping to show you that even when life has given you the unbearable..the unthinkable..an unending sorrow..If you truly believe and focus on God instead of letting it destroy you..you can learn from it and even while enduring it possibly help others learn from it as well. I am thankful for every blessing God has placed on my family since we lost Sydney but it is not the blessings of this world that I am most thankful for..it is the gift that he has given..the promises that my eternity will be filled with far more then the blessings I’ve received in this world
There is no vacation from missing her
Sitting here drinking coffee watching the sun rise and brighten the mountain tops in Breckenridge. God’s blessings so far on this vacation have been unending and Cameron has experienced so many new things, but as each day passes and I look back I can see he’s missing her as much as we are..at Cadallac Ranch his friend found a can of spray paint and Cameron painted her initials on one of the cars next to a cross and then yesterday while shopping he found a little souvenir that said breckenridge Colorado with the name Sydney on it..we can vacation from work and home but there is no vacation from missing her..praying our trip continues to bring our family unforgettable memories
A poem
I had no idea the 1 year and 11 month mark would be so difficult, but as it came and went (June 10th) I’ve realized I’m distracted and overwhelmed with emotion walking through the days leading up to the 2yr anniversary of Sydney’s accident. I am a numbers person so as I have found and gathered stuff over the last two years I’ve realized God has blessed me with a precious timeline of her heart the last month through her writings, her text, our talks, and her post on Social Media.He made sure no one would have to guess where she was spiritually. When I read her writings I often think of Luke 1:45 Her faith and willingness to obey God not only saved her it has saved me from the depths of sorrow on many occasions. Luke 11:28 keeps my focus off my emotions and circumstances and on God’s truth, and promises. I don’t have to doubt what she wants from me..She’s written it in her own handwriting and left it for me. It is easy for me to see all of the blessings and they continue to remind me that God hasn’t left me, but they don’t take away the desire to go back to the happiest times of my life..No matter what blessings lie ahead for me I’m faced with the reality that she isn’t going to be a physical part of them. The ‘first” never stop and the second’s and third’s just remind us that it only gets harder..We’ve been on vacation since the accident but this will be the first year we attempt to go somewhere new..somewhere she never got to go..I’m so excited about going yet at the same time I’m broken inside knowing I have to go without her..I’m never going to overcome the thoughts that I didn’t have enough time with her..that she should be with us..I’m forced to survive something else but I know when I look back I’ll see all that I am..all that I’ve become all that I’ve survived is due solely to my relationship with God who constantly reminds me that he loves her more than me. I’m attaching one of my latest poems
My walk tonight is all for you
Thank you for every little thought, the encouragement offered by many, and every single prayer spoken. I could not and would not have made it last night with out it. It was truly the hardest thing so far I’ve ever had to do. While planning the visitation and funeral a parent is in shock which protects them from the overwhelming emotional pain, while they may seem strong the truth is we really are just in capable of understanding the reality of what’s happening. Almost two years later I’m not protected from the “fog” or shock anymore and I FEEL the emptiness more then ever. The decision to accept her diploma and me to walk for her was not mine but Stacy’s as he felt very strongly that it was the least she deserved and probably the last time her name may ever be called aloud in Public. He said I’d rather regret doing it then regret not doing it. In the beginning as we were walking to our seats we had a moment where evil presented itself and almost caused us to leave, but instead we reminded ourselves that the only way Good can overcome Evil is if we don’t allow it to keep us from doing the good we were there to do, and not taking that moment from my precious girl. As the Graduates starting lining up to walk the stage most that new us and saw us sitting there smiled waved or stopped and hugged us. You will never understand how those small acts of love for us and Sydney allowed our focus to change and gave us the strength to finish for Sydney. I was nervous and my insides felt like mush but I kept it together with only small tears until I looked out and saw ALL of her CLASS on their feet cheering for her. It was overwhelming humbling and an experience that touched my heart like nothing before. I only wish I had gotten a picture of it so if you know anyone that might have taken a picture of that moment I would love a copy. Before I left for graduation that day I wrote my 6th poem this one titled Walk for YOU, I have put it together with the video from last night and will post it. I will end by saying It might not have been her physical body on that stage but it is HER love and spirit that guided me every step of the way

Knowing what’s coming next doesn’t take away the pain you feel now
As many get ready for Prom today (A&M Consolidated Sydney’s school) I woke up with an empty ache deep in my stomach. I cried myself to sleep last night wanting so desperately for this not to be real but unfortunately it is. I did not get to wake her up this morning and see her excitement and giddiness. I didn’t get to take her to pick out a dess and I won’t be doing her hair and makeup and taking pictures so we can share happy moments with the world..Instead I’m fighting back the tears trying my best to honor and glorify God in all I do but I still hurt I still feel I’m not a super hero I’m human and I’ve lost my beautiful girl and living without her is a battle I will face everyday for the rest of my life..God continues to show me how amazing he is and that he is with me every step of the way. Blessing me beyond what I deserve but just as Jesus knew he would raise Lazarus from the dead..I know I will be reunited with her..but Jesus still wept..he cried because knowing what’s coming next doesn’t take away the pain you feel now..Just as Jesus cried I cry for the moments I have lost. My faith no more diminishes my pain then my pain diminishes my faith. I would love to share some advice from a mom who has thought over every moment I ever had and how I would do things different..take individuals pictures of your child but most importantly take a picture with your child. Be silly hug them make memories that you look back on with a smile. I love how we didn’t overdo her makeup and I fixed her hair and she looked beyond beautiful. Love you always sweet girl

Easter the cross and a deeper understanding
This week last year was one of my hardest weeks, and this year seems to be no different. I am not a person who enjoys watching torture movies or likes to hear of anyone suffering from someone else inflicting pain on them even if it is only for a moment. So when I think of this week and all that Jesus would have to endure it overwhelms me. I don’t know if it’s because honestly I’m 100 percent positive I would not have been capable of doing the same for him or because I have stood face to face with the reality that his suffering and death, saved not only me but my daughter. He did for her something that no matter how much I loved her I couldn’t do for her. I relate to some of his last moments but will never truly be able to comprehend his agony and anguish. He prayed to his father asking if there is any way for this hour to pass from him to please let it pass, but for God’s will to be done. The answer to his prayer was obviously no. I’m not sure many know the night of the accident as I drove off to look for her. Stacy fell to his knees on our front lawn and Prayed to God begging him to please let her be okay..basically we were saying if there is anyway this hour could pass for us please let it..Our answer was also no..from that moment on our life would never be the same because I KNEW every single day no matter how much I prayed, or how much I glorified God my answer was still going to be no and I would have to continue to live everyday broken fighting hard for those pieces to be enough for Cameron. The only hope we have being the promises God gave us..a promise that even though it won’t be easy it would be worth it. I have days I can’t breath, I can’t think about anything else, and I beg God to do something to ease this burden..It is such a devastating loss that at times I find myself listening to Satan’s lies that God has left us and that if he loved us he wouldn’t have taken her but the other day I was blessed to see things a different way. I said God I know you are probably the only one who truly knows the pain inside of me, you know my heart, and you know how special she was..as I’m holding my small pebble believing he has left me alone to carry this burden..He is actually holding up the mountain that is about to crush me..saying I need you to move it is not safe for you here..They key to living without Sydney is to continue to focus on living for God believing in not just John 3:16 but in every single word written in the bible. It is my protection against my flesh my mind my suffering and Satan’s lies. God needs me to keep moving, to keep walking towards him in order to survive my life without my baby girl. Please continue to pray for me and my family as we enter another Holiday without her filling our house with laughter, and craziness. Missing her is so exhausting.
Pictures are just too empty without her
I know many will never understand the pain of never being able to take another picture of your child and Thank God you don’t..but for me I feel it everyday maybe its because I can’t seem to face reality of her being gone..maybe its that pictures look so empty without her..or maybe its just because she never ran from the camera and instead always enjoyed me taking pics..whatever the reason my heart breaks over and over again knowing she should be there and isn’t so I will forever look for a way to feel like I’ve taken a picture with her or include her..it will never seem right any other way..forever wishing Gods will for our lives wasn’t for us to walk this life without her
Moving into a New Year
Moving into a New Year is not the same..I’m not excited I don’t want to celebrate because with every new year reality sets in and more time is added to my life that she isn’t a part of..If you’ve wondered how we are doing..We are surviving..we appreciate the blessings Gods given us we face the next day because we weren’t given a choice and we smile because as much as we don’t want to Cameron deserves nothing less and most of all we pray for peace and comfort from the only one who can provide it..I’m going to end by sharing my biggest blessing of 2014. You see I was having a really bad day missing Sydney and hurting because of lies regrding the accident and a few ppl saying awful things about Sydney..I couldn’t believe that I was walking through the loss of my daughter and now I was dealing with such evil from those who she thought loved her..I was in my flesh broken and not wanting to move wondering why God would add this burden on me after everything..I was screaming and crying on my bed..Satan had beaten me down I wanted to give up..quit..but at that moment I heard her voice whisper its ok Mommie I’ve given you everything you need..it touched me so much that at 10:46 am on June 3rd I tweeted it. I thought at that moment she was talking about all her other writings but at that moment as peaceful as I felt I still had no idea what God had truly waiting for me to find..then about 3:30 that afternoon I found the attached in a notes section on her phone under an email I hadn’t known about before..because she was using her phone the time and date she typed this was logged under her name..she typed this approximately 7 hours before she would be leaving me to spend eternity w/God himself. At 16 she took the time to stop and type these affirmations into her phone..all of her writings address something we have struggled with and have at times given us the strength to keep going but this one is by far the most profound being written just hours before the accident. I suffer everyday missing her but there is not a doubt in my mind EVER that she watches over me as I’m blessed with sharing her legacy smiling waiting until the day we are finally reunited! I’m forever blessed by the love and faith I see in her and I will wake up every single day hoping and praying to be someone that makes her as proud as she has made me. I love you Sydney Lisa Jeter forever and always





